IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people from poor and rural backgrounds find ur difficult to get a university education. University should make it easier for such groups to enrol. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #backgrounds #ur #university #education #groups #enrol
Seeing how communities from rural areas were facing difficulty
to experience
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in experiencing
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 higher education, society began to argue that universities could take the initiative by lowering their standards in order to make it easier for the
low class
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low-class
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 people. I
am agree
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agree
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 with the argument. I believe that everyone should have the same chance in education.
Additionally
, studying
in
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at
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 university can be a life-changing experience for the
poors
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poor
. It may not be fair for students from a lower
economy
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economic
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 class to directly compete with
the
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apply
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rich students. Fair does not mean giving the same requirements for all, so that everyone would have an equal parameter.
Firstly
, we need to take a look
on
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at
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 both backgrounds. Borjouis people have
advantages
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advantage
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to explore
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of exploring
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 more things since they were
a
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apply
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kid
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kids
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,
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apply
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 because they can afford to have
the
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apply
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access.
On the other hand
,
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the lower
a lower
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lower class
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lower-class
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 community already struggles with fulfilling their primary needs
such
 as food and housing. So, giving the same standard for both groups would be similar to
collect
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collecting
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 the same amount of tax money for all levels of income. Loosening the difficulty of enrollment for the unfortunate groups can increase their chance
to pass
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of passing
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.
In
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As
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result
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a result
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, more students from rural
community
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communities
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 will have
bachelor
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bachelor's
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 degrees
,
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apply
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 or even masters.
This
 may encourage their community to upgrade personal skills and have a better life through pursuing education. In conclusion, I think universities have the power to lessen
social
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the social
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 gap between the rich and the poor. They just need to take action,
then
 an unimaginable
imrpovement
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improvement
improvements
 will await in the future.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Your essay offers a clear response to the task and presents valid arguments. However, you should incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your points. This will support your arguments and make your essay more compelling.
task achievement
While your points are clear and well-organized, ensure that your main points are fully developed. Expand your arguments with more evidence and examples to give a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is good with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and stays focused on a single idea to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, 'I am agree' should be 'I agree' and 'Borjouis' should be 'bourgeoisie.' Proofreading will help to maintain the essay’s clarity and fluency.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the issue, which sets the tone for the rest of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your stance, providing a strong ending to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, which makes it easy to follow your arguments. Each paragraph flows well from one to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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