Some people from poor and rural backgrounds find ur difficult to get a university education. University should make it easier for such groups to enrol. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
Seeing how communities from rural areas were facing difficulty
to experience
higher education, society began to argue that universities could take the initiative by lowering their standards in order to make it easier for the Change preposition
in experiencing
low class
people. I Add a hyphen
low-class
am agree
with the argument. I believe that everyone should have the same chance in education. Change the verb form
agree
Additionally
, studying in
university can be a life-changing experience for the Change preposition
at
poors
.
It may not be fair for students from a lower Correct your spelling
poor
economy
class to directly compete with Replace the word
economic
the
rich students. Fair does not mean giving the same requirements for all, so that everyone would have an equal parameter. Correct article usage
apply
Firstly
, we need to take a look on
both backgrounds. Borjouis people have Change preposition
at
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
to explore
more things since they were Change preposition
of exploring
a
Correct article usage
apply
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
,
because they can afford to have Remove the comma
apply
the
access. Correct article usage
apply
On the other hand
, Add an article
the lower
a lower
lower class
community already struggles with fulfilling their primary needs Add a hyphen
lower-class
such
as food and housing. So, giving the same standard for both groups would be similar to collect
the same amount of tax money for all levels of income.
Loosening the difficulty of enrollment for the unfortunate groups can increase their chance Wrong verb form
collecting
to pass
. Change preposition
of passing
In
Change preposition
As
result
, more students from rural Correct article usage
a result
community
will have Fix the agreement mistake
communities
bachelor
degreesChange noun form
bachelor's
,
or even masters. Remove the comma
apply
This
may encourage their community to upgrade personal skills and have a better life through pursuing education.
In conclusion, I think universities have the power to lessen social
gap between the rich and the poor. They just need to take action, Add an article
the social
then
an unimaginable imrpovement
will await in the future.Correct your spelling
improvement
improvements
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay offers a clear response to the task and presents valid arguments. However, you should incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your points. This will support your arguments and make your essay more compelling.
task achievement
While your points are clear and well-organized, ensure that your main points are fully developed. Expand your arguments with more evidence and examples to give a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is good with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and stays focused on a single idea to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, 'I am agree' should be 'I agree' and 'Borjouis' should be 'bourgeoisie.' Proofreading will help to maintain the essay’s clarity and fluency.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the issue, which sets the tone for the rest of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your stance, providing a strong ending to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, which makes it easy to follow your arguments. Each paragraph flows well from one to the next.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!