In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. Is this a positive or negative development?
In many areas, the development of hiring not relating to the workers’ age plays a positive improvement on society
due to
the fairness between community and nation Linking Words
while
some citizens believe it is negative because of the obstacles of older age giving for their workplaces. Linking Words
This
author agrees with the statement that improvement is negative Linking Words
due to
the high rate of homelessness among Linking Words
older
public and unfair Correct article usage
the older
job
.
It is vital to think that elders and youth should have a fair chance at enrollment. Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
Moreover
, they have a long period of time on work and Linking Words
being
suitable with their management and leadership skills but they cannot have an opportunity to have jobs Wrong verb form
are
while
they are as smart and helpful as youth. Linking Words
For example
, older society are more likely to fail the apply form of new jobs Linking Words
due to
the risks to their health or the problems they can meet when working, they were not assessed correctly with their real ability.
Linking Words
In addition
, older unemployed are more likely to be homeless Linking Words
due to
life without working and earning money but hassling. Frankly speaking, not working is not having money to live and the increased number of old homeless Linking Words
family
shows that phenomenon clearly. Fix the agreement mistake
families
As a result
, the experiment in recent years shows the proportion of old hiring becoming less and less day by day Linking Words
while
the amount of older homeless Linking Words
nation
increases higher and higher.
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
To sum up
, it is illegal to distinguish individuals by their age in the workplace Linking Words
due to
the amount of intelligence and the fair chance of experience. Linking Words
Hence
, that development will be negative if it continues happening to the increased range of old homeless and unfair careers.Linking Words
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic but does not entirely provide a balanced view of both sides. It's good to strengthen both viewpoints before concluding your stance.
task achievement
Work on providing clearer ideas and ensuring that each paragraph focuses on one main idea to improve clarity.
task achievement
Your main points need more solid examples to support them. Including more detailed and specific examples can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve your logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph flows coherently to the next. Use more linking phrases or words to tie ideas together.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are well-supported and explained clearly within each paragraph. Avoid vague statements and provide clear examples.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which provides a clear opening and closing to your essay.
task achievement
You have made an attempt to address both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the task.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?