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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 who were empoyed in four countries in 1970 and 2000

The graphs below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 who were empoyed in four countries in 1970 and 2000
#graphs #show #percentages #men #women #four #countries
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The given bar charts contain information pertaining to the
proportion
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 of male and female elderly between 60 and 64 who were
workers
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 in
four
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 nations
during
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1970 and 2000. The figure is shown in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the male employed in two years were more than the female employed in all
four
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 countries.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the highest
proportion
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 was Japanese male
worker
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workers
show examples
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2000,
whereas
Linking Words
 the opposite was true for women
workers
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 in Belgium during 1970. Beginning with women, the
proportion
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 of
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 in 2000
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 more than the
proportion
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 in 1970 in both Belgium and Japan.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the percentages of
workers
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 in 1970 were more than the percentages in 2000 in two
remained
Wrong verb form
remaining
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 countries that speak English.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, there were not any big changes in
proportion
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 in
four
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 countries over three decades. Moving on to the men employed, the
proportion
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 during 2000
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 more than 1970 in all
four
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 nations.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Japan had the highest
proportion
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 of
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 in two years about 86% and 74% respectively.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, the
workers
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 in Belgium had the biggest difference over 30 years that the
proportion
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 in 2000
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 60% higher than the
proportion
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1970.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "additionally".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, workers, four with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 9 times.
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