The graphs below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 who were empoyed in four countries in 1970 and 2000

The graphs below show the percentages of men and women  aged 60-64 who were empoyed in four countries in 1970 and 2000
The given bar charts contain information pertaining to the
proportion
of male and female elderly between 60 and 64 who were
workers
in
four
nations
during
Change preposition
between
show examples
1970 and 2000. The figure is shown in percentages.
Overall
, it can be seen that the male employed in two years were more than the female employed in all
four
countries.
Additionally
, the highest
proportion
was Japanese male
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
2000,
whereas
the opposite was true for women
workers
in Belgium during 1970. Beginning with women, the
proportion
of
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
in 2000
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
more than the
proportion
in 1970 in both Belgium and Japan.
In contrast
, the percentages of
workers
in 1970 were more than the percentages in 2000 in two
remained
Wrong verb form
remaining
show examples
countries that speak English.
Otherwise
, there were not any big changes in
proportion
in
four
countries over three decades. Moving on to the men employed, the
proportion
during 2000
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
more than 1970 in all
four
nations.
Additionally
, Japan had the highest
proportion
of
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
in two years about 86% and 74% respectively.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the
workers
in Belgium had the biggest difference over 30 years that the
proportion
in 2000
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
60% higher than the
proportion
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
1970.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "additionally".
Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, workers, four with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 9 times.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!