IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that Olympics games are exciting events that bring othet nations together. Others say Olympics is a waste of money could be better spent on other things. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#people #olympics #games #events #othet #nations #waste #money
It is disputed
that
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apply
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whether
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the Olympics
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Olympics
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Olympic
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games
 help
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 relationships between nations or
they
Correct word choice
whether they
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 are not cost-effective and
money
 should be spent on other things.
This
 writer will discuss
in
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apply
show examples
both two points of view and explain why
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the Olympics
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Olympics
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Olympic
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games
 need to be maintained despite their drawbacks. First of all,
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the Olympics
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Olympics
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Olympic
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games
 are international events that were originally held
for constructing
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to construct
show examples
 friendships between challengers. Because mostly all
ther
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the
 people
arond
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around
 the world have
interests
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interest
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 in sports,
so
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apply
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competitions are perfect opportunities for athletes to interact and study each other, bridging the gap between people and countries.
For instance
, people build up relationships when they share the same interests and have competitive
mind
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minds
show examples
.
On the other hand
, Organising big events
as
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such as
show examples
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the Olympics
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Olympics
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Olympic
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games
 needs a lot of
money
 and
efforts
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effort
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 to put in,
whereas
 there are several problems
need
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that need
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 to be addressed immediately like environmental pollution,
green house
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greenhouse
show examples
 effects, security issues and so on. These matters need as much
money
 as
Olympics
games
 but governments do not have enough
money
 to handle both public problems and
Olympics
games
. In my opinion,
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the Olympics
show examples
Olympics
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Olympic
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games
 need
continuing
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to continue
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 ly
holding
Wrong verb form
hold
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 up in
following
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the following
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 years, because they are
ones
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one
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 of the biggest events that have been held, they
like
Add a missing verb
are like
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 a symbol of peace and relationships between nations,
furthermore
,
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the Olympics
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Olympics
Correct your spelling
Olympic
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games
 contain lots of
historic
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historical
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 values.
Although
 it is true that a lot of
money
 and attempts need to be put in to hold
Olympics
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Olympic
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games
,
that is
 not a matter
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the peace of nations and excitement brought by them.
To sum up
, because of their
historic
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historical
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 values and benefits,
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the Olympics
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Olympics
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Olympic
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games
 are an important part that cannot be missed in
the
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apply
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community life.
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task achievement
Work on providing more relevant and specific examples to support your points, which will strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and try to avoid grammatical errors to maintain clarity and professionalism throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The writer effectively discusses both points of view, fulfilling the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion strongly reinforces the writer's opinion, which is a positive aspect.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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