IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#smoker #places
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
day
Use synonyms
 and age, smoking has been of great concern to the public. Gleaming not only harms the smoker but
also
Linking Words
 those who are nearby.
Therefore
Linking Words
, smoking should be prohibited in public places. In my opinion, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement for the following reasons. First of all, gleaming can be harmful to the health of smokers. They will experience kidney, heart, or liver problems because the
smoke
Use synonyms
 is very toxic. If you
smoke
Use synonyms
 so much, you can get liver cancer.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is obviously stated that your health will get weaker
day
Use synonyms
 by
day
Use synonyms
 and it can affect your spirit every
day
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, smoking can have negative effects on those around smokers.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is very common to observe that whenever there is someone in the family smoking, their family members
also
Linking Words
 suffer from diseases
such
Linking Words
 as lung cancer or birth defects.
Besides
Linking Words
, when you
smoke
Use synonyms
 in public places
such
Linking Words
 as Café, restaurants, companies, and so on, people around you may be affected by cigarette
smoke
Use synonyms
. They may feel uncomfortable around you.
Finally
Linking Words
, gleaming can cause social evils. Especially young people, if not controlled carefully, they can become addicted or cause other social evils. There are some stimulants in cigarettes, which can cause heavy smokers to commit bad actions
such
Linking Words
 as theft, gambling, and so on.
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
complete response
Ensure you address each part of the prompt clearly. In this case, your essay does well in explaining why smoking should be banned, but could expand a bit more on how non-smokers are affected.
clear comprehensive ideas
Watch for minor errors in word choice and consistency. For example, 'gleaming' should be replaced with 'smoking' throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states your position on the issue, which provides a good start to your essay.
logical structure
You have a logical structure with each paragraph focusing on a specific point related to smoking and its harms.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: