IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph compares employment rates in three sectors of the economy, in the UK, 2000-2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph compares employment rates in three sectors of the economy, in the UK, 2000-2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#employment #rates #three #sectors #economy #uk #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph provides data about the number of people who were employed in different sectors of
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 in Britain over the decade in question.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
while
Linking Words
private
Add an article
the private
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
 was the most important
section
Correct your spelling
sector
show examples
 in 2000, it witnessed
downward
Correct article usage
a downward
show examples
 trend over the
period
Use synonyms
, and hit the bottom line in 2010. As for
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 and self-employed sectors, they saw an upward trend during the decade
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and were more popular than
private
Correct article usage
the private
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
finally
Linking Words
. Looking at the details, despite less than half of people in the UK
were
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 employed in the private
sector
Use synonyms
 in 2000,
this
Linking Words
 rate fell gradually by 30%
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and hit the bottom line
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 around 20% in 2010. If we look at the self-employed
sector
Use synonyms
, having fluctuated in the first half of the
period
Use synonyms
, it
then
Linking Words
 recovered and grew
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
slightly in the second half of the
period
Use synonyms
, and ended up at just about 30%. Regarding
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
, it started at approximately 30%, and after experiencing fluctuation over the
period
Use synonyms
, it was the most important section in 2010, which meant more than
around
Rephrase
apply
show examples
50% of people were employed in
this
Linking Words
sector
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Shahdadi.m76 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words sector, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: