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Writing Samples
Band 6

The line chart below shows the percentage of of people in different age groups who played video games more than ten hours a week between 1984 and 2003

The line chart below shows the percentage of of people in different age groups who played video games more than ten hours a week between 1984 and 2003
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This
Linking Words
 line graph illustrates the data about the percentage of people who played video games more than 10 hours a week classified by their age between 2010 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the graph is that the majority of the youngest group played video games more than 10 hours per week,
whereas
Linking Words
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 not as interested as their younger counterparts in playing video games and only a small minority proportion spent more than 10 hours a week on
this
Linking Words
 type of hobby. By looking at the details, regarding individuals between 16 and 24, their
time
Use synonyms
 play increased sharply during the first 2 years of the period. It was followed a steady growth, after which it rose significantly reaching its peak at about 70%. With respect to
second
Add an article
the second
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 age group which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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consisted of folks between 45 and 54, at the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of the given
time
Use synonyms
 frame, the
time
Use synonyms
 they devoted to playing plunged. After that the figure representing
this
Linking Words
 age group
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 showed a robust rise to 50%. Having remained stable for several years, In 2015 the percentage
of
Change preposition
apply
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rose slightly to about 55%. Concerning other lines, it could be elucidated that despite being older, the people who were between 25 and 44 years old had less
time
Use synonyms
 to enjoy
such
Linking Words
an entertainments
Correct the article-noun agreement
entertainment
show examples
.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuate
  • trend
  • percentage
  • age group
  • consistent
  • significant
  • decline
  • increase
  • peak
  • plateau
  • demographic
  • upward trend
  • downward trend
  • proportion
  • level off
  • escalate
  • diminish
  • interval
  • duration
  • prevalence
  • participation
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