Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuess both these views and give your own opinion.

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For many years majority of
students'
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students
show examples
desire to
study
a broad university curriculum that covers various subjects and its opposition to the other group of
leaners
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learners
show examples
whose
preferance
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preference
lies in having a focused
study
on their chosen qualification, has been the central topic of many heated debates. Having carefully examined the logic behind both perspectives, I, personally, believe the best path lies
some where
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somewhere
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in between. On the one hand, having the opportunity to step into
divergant
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divergent
fields of
study
while
studying at a university, can bring about many potential benefits; among which being
acapable
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capable
of growing a
multi-dementioal
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multi-dimensional
perspective towards the existing problems is, undoubtedly, of great importance. A broad curriculum,
in other words
, will provide learners with a wider view of the world which,
subsequently
, will result in them having the ability to engage in a
multi-disiciplinary
Correct your spelling
multi-disciplinary
approach to find creative solutions to the existing problems which, in fact, is what
seperates
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separates
humans' work from
machiens'
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machines
.
However
, it is understandable that some students tend to participate in in-depth
study
plans that,
according to
their view, will assist them by cultivating a profound knowledge in an area. Which will,
as a result
, make them the
experties
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expertise
of a field. It goes without saying that the laser-focused curriculums,
inavitably
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inevitably
, leave learners with a conclusive and valuable knowledge of their
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
, which
unfortunately
Add the comma(s)
, unfortunately
show examples
, offers a narrow look, meaning, They are able to look at things from a single perspective. In conclusion, both mentioned views towards learners' opportunity to
study
different subjects throughout their university years, have merit.
However
, I personally believe, the best path is far from
thsese
Correct your spelling
these
two extremes.
Therefore
, a well-structured curriculum offering both through courses in one's chosen course
along with
some wisely selected additional subjects
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
will best cater to student's needs.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
While your essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument and presents your own opinion, it would benefit from more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Try to provide concrete instances or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your points.
language use
Work on minimizing grammatical errors and enhancing word choice for better precision. Phrases like 'divergant,' 'multi-dementioal,' and 'seperates' contain spelling errors that can distract from your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure and logical flow. However, some transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Consider using more transitional phrases to clearly guide the reader from one point to the next.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-written and clearly present your perspective on the issue.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by fairly considering both perspectives before presenting your own opinion, which demonstrates a nuanced understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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