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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Houses are essential for people. Some agrue that governments should offer free houses for people who can not afford to pay it. Do you agree or disagree with the statement

#houses #people #agrue #governments #offer
Having a house is a fundamental right of every human. Some people opine that governments should provide unpaid housing to those who are incapable of arranging one for themselves,
while
 others oppose
this
 assertion. I strongly agree that governments should intervene and extend support to those in need
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 maintaining a balance in
society
.
To begin
 with, every person deserves to live a
secured
Replace the word
secure
show examples
 and dignified life, and having a roof over one's head assures that.
This
 is because when a person has a place to come back, he feels a sense of safety and security. It
also
 protects him from threats and dangers outside.
For instance
, if a person does not own a house, he is bound to end up on the streets and he will be highly prone to many transmittable diseases
such
 as Malaria, tuberculosis and bronchitis, to name a few.
Moreover
, he may encounter dangerous situations like rape , murder etc.
Therefore
,
to provide
Change the verb form
providing
show examples
 shelter to
destitute
Correct article usage
the destitute
show examples
 is
must
Correct article usage
a must
show examples
.
Additionally
, it is crucial that the government should play its role in
equal
Correct article usage
the equal
show examples
 distribution of wealth in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
This
 refers to the fact that maintaining a social balance is
must
Correct article usage
a must
show examples
 to ensure
sustainability
Add an article
the sustainability
show examples
 of any community.
For instance
, if local authorities do not keep homeless people off the streets, those people will indulge in criminal activities to make
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ends meet.
Consequently
, there will be high crime rates in the
society
.
Hence
, government intervention is essential to create an equitable and just
society
 where everyone is treated the same regardless of their socio-economic background. In conclusion, I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that governments should provide free accommodation to unwealthy
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 as it is crucial for fostering a positive social environment.
Submitted by shaffyaroraca on

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task achievement
You could strengthen your argument by including a counter-argument to address opposing views, thereby demonstrating a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Adding a few more specific and varied examples could help in making your points more persuasive and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain a formal tone throughout, as small colloquial expressions can slightly lower the formality of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more linking words and phrases to make transitions between paragraphs and ideas smoother.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is very clear and provides a strong stance on the issue, which helps guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-structured format with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This logical structure is easy to follow and ensures clarity.
task achievement
The points made in the body paragraphs are relevant to the topic and substantially support the argument that governments should provide free housing to those in need.
task achievement
The vocabulary and grammar used in the essay are effective and demonstrate a strong command of the English language.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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