IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar and line chart below shows average monthly temperatures and bathing suit sales in New York for the first 6 months of 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar and line chart below shows average monthly temperatures and bathing suit sales in New York for the first 6 months of 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #line #temperatures #suit #sales #york #first #months #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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This
Linking Words
 chart illustrates two different types of information, the average temperatures with a line
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the
revenue
Use synonyms
 (US$) in bars, all the numbers are justified by six different months, from January to
June
Use synonyms
. The information testifies how bathing suit sales and temperature figures had changed in 2012 in New York. As we can see from January to March the
revenue
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased with the same rhythm ($ 100.000, $ 150.000 and $ 200.000 respectively).
At
Change preposition
During
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 the same period the average temperatures,
express
Wrong verb form
expressed
show examples
 in
fahrenheit
Change the capitalization
Fahrenheit
show examples
unit
Fix the agreement mistake
units
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, had fluctuated a bit, in January the temperature was approximately 32 degrees
while
Linking Words
in
Change the preposition
on
show examples
 February 30 and March almost 40 degrees. From April to
June
Use synonyms
 the bars
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
achieved the major and the minor
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 in terms of
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
show examples
. In April the
revenue
Use synonyms
 bar was just under the
ax
Change the spelling
axe
show examples
 of $ 300.000, in May the bar was just
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of the previous month but three times
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
June
Use synonyms
's bar, which means that in
June
Use synonyms
 the
revenue
Use synonyms
 almost touched the bottom of the graph,
thus
Linking Words
 $ 0.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the temperature line
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
kept
to increase
Change the verb form
increasing
show examples
 from February to
June
Use synonyms
 where it was recorded
more
Change preposition
as more
show examples
 or less 65
fahrenheit
Change the capitalization
Fahrenheit
show examples
 degrees.
Submitted by bucciarellianna3 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words revenue, june with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average monthly temperatures
  • bathing suit sales
  • correlation
  • monthly breakdown
  • significant changes
  • warmest months
  • speculate
  • trends
  • increase in temperature
  • contrasting
  • predictive speculation
  • general trends
  • specific months
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