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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar and line chart below shows average monthly temperatures and bathing suit sales in New York for the first 6 months of 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar and line chart below shows average monthly temperatures and bathing suit sales in New York for the first 6 months of 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #line #temperatures #suit #sales #york #first #months #summarise #information #features #comparisons
This
 chart illustrates two different types of information, the average temperatures with a line
while
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the
revenue
 (US$) in bars, all the numbers are justified by six different months, from January to
June
. The information testifies how bathing suit sales and temperature figures had changed in 2012 in New York. As we can see from January to March the
revenue
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased with the same rhythm ($ 100.000, $ 150.000 and $ 200.000 respectively).
At
Change preposition
During
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 the same period the average temperatures,
express
Wrong verb form
expressed
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 in
fahrenheit
Change the capitalization
Fahrenheit
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unit
Fix the agreement mistake
units
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, had fluctuated a bit, in January the temperature was approximately 32 degrees
while
in
Change the preposition
on
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 February 30 and March almost 40 degrees. From April to
June
 the bars
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
achieved the major and the minor
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
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 in terms of
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
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. In April the
revenue
 bar was just under the
ax
Change the spelling
axe
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 of $ 300.000, in May the bar was just
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
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 of the previous month but three times
the
Correct article usage
apply
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June
's bar, which means that in
June
 the
revenue
 almost touched the bottom of the graph,
thus
 $ 0.
Whereas
, the temperature line
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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kept
to increase
Change the verb form
increasing
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 from February to
June
 where it was recorded
more
Change preposition
as more
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 or less 65
fahrenheit
Change the capitalization
Fahrenheit
show examples
 degrees.
Submitted by bucciarellianna3 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words revenue, june with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average monthly temperatures
  • bathing suit sales
  • correlation
  • monthly breakdown
  • significant changes
  • warmest months
  • speculate
  • trends
  • increase in temperature
  • contrasting
  • predictive speculation
  • general trends
  • specific months
What to do next:
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