IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods.while others aruge that customers should avoid buying goods with alot of packaging.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #manufacturers #supermarkets #responsibility #amount #goods #aruge #customers #alot
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nowadays , the lifestyle of many
people
 can play a crucial role in consuming different types of
goods
 in their lives. some
people
 think that many companies and markets have a great responsibility to decrease the
rate
 of packaging of
goods
while
 others believe that
customers
 ought to avoid shopping for foods with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little packaging. In my opinion, I consider that factories and markets can help to reduce the
rate
 of packaging by introducing
goods
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 low cost. on the one hand, many individuals are of the opinion that the main
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 reducing the
amount
 of packaging is on
shoulders
Correct article usage
the shoulders
show examples
 of factories and supermarkets. because when they sell many products without packaging at a low cost as
advertisement
Add an article
an advertisement
show examples
 for the first time, many consumers prefer to buy
this
 thing in order to pay less money.
That is
 why,
this
 strategy
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
show examples
 them to buy different
goods
 without packaging to save a lot of money which will result in reducing the
amount
 of packaging.
on the other hand
, it is sometimes believed that consumers should avoid
to use
Change the verb form
using
show examples
 things with a large
amount
 of packaging. because
this
 style can be a key step to encourage companies and markets to decrease the
rate
 of production with a lot of packaging.
in other words
, when the companies are aware
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
people
 do not buy products with packaging .
therefore
 , most of the factories prefer to produce different things without packaging to absorb more
customers
.because nowadays, many producers try to find different ways to increase the
rate
 of efficiency and find more
customers
 for their products.
That is
 why, they prefer to pay attention to
ideas
Correct article usage
the ideas
show examples
 of
customers
. in conclusion,
although
people
 may vary in their opinion, I should say supermarkets and manufacturers can play essential roles in reducing the
amount
 of packaging by providing many opportunities for their
customers
 to buy things at a low cost .
Submitted by salehmiri1995 on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your arguments by providing additional relevant examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph connects well with the next. Use transitional phrases more effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question by discussing both views and providing an opinion.
coherence cohesion
Both an introduction and a conclusion are present, giving the essay a clear structure.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally supported, although further elaboration could strengthen them.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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