IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more" advantages or more disadvantages?

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Nowadays, people are spending less
time
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 on leisure activities because of working overtime. I believe working long hours would have some disadvantages in the
life
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 of human beings. Mainly, because leaving no room for leisure activities can make people go into depression and
also
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 owing to the fact that they cannot appreciate what
life
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 has to offer. I will discuss these disadvantages briefly in my upcoming paragraphs. First of all, working for an extended amount of
time
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 can make someone get stressed out
,
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apply
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 since
this
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 can make their body get exhausted. Because of
this
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, they spend the rest of their
time
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 recovering and just cannot think of socialising with others. So,
this
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 habit makes them go into depression as they cannot communicate with the rest of the world.
For instance
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, taking
time
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 to talk with your parents or perhaps with your friends may give a sense of relaxation and can reduce stress levels.
Secondly
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, a busy human being who indulges more in his workload may not have
time
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 to appreciate the World around him. There are plenty of the things that the World has to offer most of which we forget about. Travelling,
for example
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, can give us a presence of excitement and pleasure which a busy person could not get in
this
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life
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.
To sum up
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, sometimes it's okay to work for long hours;
however
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, we should
also
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 leave some
time
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 for enjoyment and relaxation which could make our
life
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 healthier and less stressful.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and addresses the disadvantages of working long hours, which is good. To achieve higher marks, ensure that you expand on your points with more specific examples and elaborate on their impacts.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-structured, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs for enhanced coherence and cohesion. This will help improve the logical flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effective, but your body paragraphs would benefit from deeper analysis and support for each main point.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion provide a clear framework and effectively encapsulate your main argument.
task achievement
You present clear ideas and maintain a consistent viewpoint throughout the essay.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and help illustrate your points.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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