IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The world of work is rapidly changing and employees cannot depend on having the same job or the same working conditions for life. Why is it the case? Can you suggest some ways to prepare people to work in the future?

#world #work #employees #job #conditions #life #case #people #future
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Nowadays, the working world has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
changed and
workers
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
cannot
depend
Add the preposition
depend on
show examples
 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 from having the same job or working conditions. In my opinion, I believe that
one
 of the
possibility
Fix the agreement mistake
possibilities
show examples
caused
Correct pronoun usage
that caused
show examples
this
 issue is related to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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inflation
, and
one
 of the best
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 from the millions is by increasing
workers
Change noun form
workers'
worker's
show examples
 value, which I will elaborate more on
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 following paragraph. As the world
become
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becomes
show examples
 globalized rapidly,
it is clear that
inflation
 is
one
 of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 why some people tend to
feel
Verb problem
find it
show examples
 difficult to fulfill their daily
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
One
 of the
impact
Change to a plural noun
impacts
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inflation
 is that the rising in
people
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people's
show examples
 basic needs prices,
such
 as rice, sugar, and
also
 oil. The research has shown that the increasing of
workers
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workers'
worker's
show examples
wages
 each year
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not as high as the
inflation
 rate, and
this
 can cause difficulties in
workers
 to
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their basic needs.
For instance
, people with tiny
wages
 are
Correct your spelling
often
oftenly
Correct your spelling
often
 survived, because their
wages
are only go
Change the verb form
are only going
show examples
 up by two to nine
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 each year, even some company did not level up their
workers
Change to a genitive case
worker's
workers'
show examples
wages
,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 the
price
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rice
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to have
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 rate to go up, even before
one
 year period, the
price
 of the rice will gain many times, depending on the supply and the demand, where the supply
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 in a low number, the
price
 will certainly increase.
This
 condition can make
workers
 survive, where the
price
 of their daily needs always grows, but their income
did
Wrong verb form
does
show examples
 not follow.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, to help
workers
 overcome
this
 kind of
situasion
Correct your spelling
situation
, I believe that by gaining more value in every
employees
Change to a genitive case
employee's
show examples
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
, it can
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
. By adding some ability to the
workers
, they can try to do side
jobs
 aside from their main
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
.
For instance
, a private employee in the field of accounting with a stagnant income from their main
jobs
 can earn more money if they do
such
 as a private learning for high school students
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 after they learn the pedagogical knowledge on how to deliver the materials to the students like teacher did in schools.
This
is prove
Change the verb form
proves
show examples
 that by adding some good value to the
workers
, they can do
a side
Correct the article-noun agreement
a side job
side jobs
show examples
jobs
 can earn more money.
To conclude
,
it is clear that
 things
such
 as
inflation
 could make a lot of
workers
 cannot survive if they only
depend
Add the preposition
depend on
show examples
 their life from their main job. To overcome
this
 matter, it is better for the
workers
 to learn something new that they can use to earn more money by doing some side
jobs
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic at hand, but it is essential to provide a more thorough response that covers multiple facets of why job stability is less reliable nowadays. Consider adding other factors like technological advancements, globalization, or changing business models.
coherence cohesion
Dividing your essay into clear paragraphs, each focused on a single main idea, can make it more organized and easier to follow. Ensure that there is a smooth transition between these paragraphs to better tie your ideas together.
task achievement
Expanding your explanations for each point and including more detailed, specific examples can significantly strengthen your argument. Focus on providing clarity and depth to your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Creating a structured outline will help you maintain a logical flow in your essay. Start with a clear introduction, followed by distinct body paragraphs, each focusing on a single main point, and conclude with a summarized conclusion.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the issue directly and provides a concise thesis statement, which clearly indicates the main focus of your arguments.
task achievement
The point about inflation affecting workers' ability to survive is relevant and timely, and demonstrates an understanding of current economic issues.
task achievement
Your argument about adding value to workers through additional skills and side jobs as a solution to inflation-induced challenges is insightful and constructive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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