IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

The figure shows demographic trends in Scotland. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

#figure #trends #scotland #summarise #information #features
The line chart illustrates some demographic trends of birth
rate
,
population
 growth
rate
 and
death
rate
 in Scotland in the period of 1940-2020. In
generally
Change the word
general
show examples
, the
population
 of Scotland decreased dramatically from 1940 to 2020. It is referred from the figure that Scotland's
population
.
According to
 the graph , from 1940 to 1945 the birth
rate
 decreased rapidly.
Then
 , it increased gradually until 1950
then
 continuously decreased slowly and sustainably. The
death
rate
expressed
Verb problem
experienced
show examples
 a lot of fluctuation from 1940 to 2020.
Firstly
 , the
death
rate
 decreased by about 1 per cent gradually from 1940 to 1945 . Next , it continued remaining stable for a long time to 2019 . And
then
 , the
death
rate
 increased slightly to 2020 Turning to other features of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 growth
rate
 , there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 a lot of fluctuation from 1940 to 1970 . The
rate
 peaked at 1,5 per cent in the 1950s .Since 1970 , the
rate
 has
experience
Change the verb form
experienced
show examples
 a steady decrease until the 21st century and there is expected to be a negative growth.
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction could be made clearer by refining the sentence structures and ensuring that the time period and variables are introduced more cohesively.
introduction conclusion present
Try to finish with a clear conclusion to summarize the main trends observed over the period.
logical structure
Use linking words and phrases to make the transitions between sentences and paragraphs smoother, such as 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' etc.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure clarity by checking for minor errors in grammar, including punctuation and article usage. This will improve the overall readability.
relevant specific examples
Some specific examples or specific data points could enhance the explanation and make your points more convincing.
complete response
The essay successfully identifies the main trends in the birth rate, death rate, and population growth rate in Scotland.
clear comprehensive ideas
The description provides a comprehensive overview of the time periods where major changes were observed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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