IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The figure shows demographic trends in Scotland. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

#figure #trends #scotland #summarise #information #features
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The line chart illustrates some demographic trends of birth
rate
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,
population
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 growth
rate
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 and
death
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rate
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 in Scotland in the period of 1940-2020. In
generally
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general
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, the
population
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 of Scotland decreased dramatically from 1940 to 2020. It is referred from the figure that Scotland's
population
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph , from 1940 to 1945 the birth
rate
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 decreased rapidly.
Then
Linking Words
 , it increased gradually until 1950
then
Linking Words
 continuously decreased slowly and sustainably. The
death
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rate
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expressed
Verb problem
experienced
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 a lot of fluctuation from 1940 to 2020.
Firstly
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 , the
death
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rate
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 decreased by about 1 per cent gradually from 1940 to 1945 . Next , it continued remaining stable for a long time to 2019 . And
then
Linking Words
 , the
death
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rate
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 increased slightly to 2020 Turning to other features of
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population
Correct article usage
the population
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 growth
rate
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 , there
were
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was
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 a lot of fluctuation from 1940 to 1970 . The
rate
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 peaked at 1,5 per cent in the 1950s .Since 1970 , the
rate
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 has
experience
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experienced
show examples
 a steady decrease until the 21st century and there is expected to be a negative growth.
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction could be made clearer by refining the sentence structures and ensuring that the time period and variables are introduced more cohesively.
introduction conclusion present
Try to finish with a clear conclusion to summarize the main trends observed over the period.
logical structure
Use linking words and phrases to make the transitions between sentences and paragraphs smoother, such as 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' etc.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure clarity by checking for minor errors in grammar, including punctuation and article usage. This will improve the overall readability.
relevant specific examples
Some specific examples or specific data points could enhance the explanation and make your points more convincing.
complete response
The essay successfully identifies the main trends in the birth rate, death rate, and population growth rate in Scotland.
clear comprehensive ideas
The description provides a comprehensive overview of the time periods where major changes were observed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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