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Band 1

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crimes” Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative #crimes”
Crime
 is the worst thing in the world.
Its
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 people feel not
save
Replace the word
safe
show examples
 so,
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 don't live
freedom
Replace the word
freely
show examples
 they cant go out alone or
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 night.
Offcours
Correct your spelling
Off course
, if there is no strict law
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
 will increase. The Law should
be define
Change the verb form
be defined
show examples
 very well. In my opinion ,
this
 is not the only reason.
First,
The
crime
 becomes in the
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
 personality and the parents see some
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 but ignore
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. maybe if they handle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it at small ages they will save the world.
Seconad
Correct your spelling
Second
, in the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 they grow up in. Some
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
see
Change the verb form
sees
show examples
 the
voliance
Correct your spelling
violence
 in
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 family
while
 the child. In my view, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 better alternative ways of reducing crimes. Like, put security camera every
were
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
this
 is will 90% decrease the
crime
.
Submitted by ananalmahyawi on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay contains relevant ideas but lacks clear structure and organization. Try to ensure that each paragraph covers a single idea and develop that idea fully before moving on to the next point. Improving the use of linking words and phrases can help clarify relationships between sentences and ideas.
task achievement
It’s important to respond completely to the task. This includes discussing both views more thoroughly and providing a clearer, more detailed opinion. Try to elaborate on points with more specific examples and explanations.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are strongly supported with specific examples and thorough explanations. Rather than general statements, include detailed reasoning to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
It's good that you have strong main points to start with. Bringing attention to the role of law enforcement and environmental factors in crime is commendable.
coherence cohesion
Your essay introduces a clear opinion, which is essential for this type of task. It’s positive that you included a suggestion (security cameras) in the alternative ways to reduce crime.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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