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Band 5.5

The made below show the organization of a bookstore in 200 and now

#show #organization #bookstore
The maps illustrate a
bookstore
 prior to and following its development.
Overall
,the most significant changes in the
bookstore
 have been the reorganization of several facilities and the addition of a cafe,tables and chairs,
while
 no modifications have been made to the remaining facilities. Looking at the books ore in 2000,it had a travel
section
 to the west and a new books area and a customer service desk to the southwestern,
According to
 the plan,three areas have remained the same.The fiction
section
, originally positioned to the north has been rearranged to make way for an art
section
,a hobbies
section
 and a cookery
section
 to the north of the
bookstore
.
Initially
,there was a fiction
section
 to the northeast,
however
, it has made way for a non-fiction
section
 now.On arrival,visitors to the
bookstore
 can take advantage of the amenities offered,including the cafe and tables and chairs in the centre of the
bookstore
 .
Finally
,despite the extensive renovations,the remaining facilities have remained substantially intact.
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task achievement
While your essay provides a comprehensive overview of the changes in the bookstore, it might benefit from clearer sentences and avoidance of minor grammatical errors. For instance, the phrase 'The made below' could be corrected to 'The maps below'.
task achievement
Ensure the essay avoids repetition and redundancy. For example, 'three areas have remained the same' is stated but not specified clearly which three areas.
coherence cohesion
Avoid run-on sentences and consider using conjunctions to link ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented. You should maintain this clarity and succinct summarization.
coherence cohesion
Consider breaking complex sentences into smaller chunks for better readability and understanding.
task achievement
You have successfully identified and elaborated on the major changes in the bookstore's layout.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which helps in understanding the overall narrative.
task achievement
Using specific details such as the relocation of the fiction and non-fiction sections enhances the essay's effectiveness.
coherence cohesion
The progression of ideas from the past layout to the current layout is logical and easy to follow.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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