There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Students
nowadays are under a lot of pressure to achieve Use synonyms
academical
success in order to get into a good university or secure a Replace the word
academic
well paid
job. Add a hyphen
well-paid
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
some people argue that schools need to focus on academic Add a comma
reason,
subjects
and vocational Use synonyms
subjects
should Use synonyms
therefore
not Linking Words
taught
at schools. I would argue that Add a missing verb
be taught
while
academic Linking Words
skills
are important, schools need to teach a wide range of both academic and more Use synonyms
skills
-based Use synonyms
subjects
.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, Linking Words
school
should not only be about teaching academic Use synonyms
skills
but a wider range of life Use synonyms
skills
so that Use synonyms
students
can join society when leaving Use synonyms
school
. Practical Use synonyms
subjects
can help to teach these Use synonyms
skills
to Use synonyms
students
. Use synonyms
For example
, physical education teaches Linking Words
students
how to work as part of a team and Use synonyms
also
the importance of being healthy. Linking Words
Furthermore
, if cookery is taught Linking Words
then
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
would
learn a great deal about health and nutrition.
Wrong verb form
will
Secondly
, academic Linking Words
subjects
are not of equal Use synonyms
important
for all Replace the word
importance
students
. There is the possibility of including more practical Use synonyms
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
on the syllabus like woodwork, textile design and computing Use synonyms
skills
. If they study these Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
students
will increase their employment prospects and could help them to secure employment when they leave Use synonyms
school
. It is important to remember that not all Use synonyms
students
will continue to higher education and Use synonyms
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
needs
to enable those Correct subject-verb agreement
need
students
to find work.
Use synonyms
Finally
, too much pressure should not be put on Linking Words
school
Use synonyms
students
. Taking part in Use synonyms
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
like art, music or drama gives Use synonyms
students
the opportunity to be creative. Use synonyms
This
could help them to manage stress degrees and Linking Words
have
more productive in other areas.
In Verb problem
be
conclusion
I would argue that Add a comma
conclusion,
although
academic Linking Words
subjects
Use synonyms
being
important, Wrong verb form
are
this
should not be the only focus of a Linking Words
school
syllabus. There are a number of benefits to teaching Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
.Use synonyms
Submitted by rifki.lufthansa on
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relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples to support your main points, such as data or case studies.
logical structure
Improve the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next.
introduction conclusion present
Although your introduction and conclusion are present, make them more compelling by clearly laying out your stance and summarizing your main points.
task achievement
Your essay maintains a clear stance throughout, arguing for the inclusion of non-academic subjects in the school syllabus.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have included a variety of perspectives, discussing both the importance of academic and non-academic subjects.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.