There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Students
nowadays are under a lot of pressure to achieve academical
success in order to get into a good university or secure a Replace the word
academic
well paid
job. Add a hyphen
well-paid
For
this
reason
some people argue that schools need to focus on academic Add a comma
reason,
subjects
and vocational subjects
should therefore
not taught
at schools. I would argue that Add a missing verb
be taught
while
academic skills
are important, schools need to teach a wide range of both academic and more skills
-based subjects
.
Firstly
, school
should not only be about teaching academic skills
but a wider range of life skills
so that students
can join society when leaving school
. Practical subjects
can help to teach these skills
to students
. For example
, physical education teaches students
how to work as part of a team and also
the importance of being healthy. Furthermore
, if cookery is taught then
students
would
learn a great deal about health and nutrition.
Wrong verb form
will
Secondly
, academic subjects
are not of equal important
for all Replace the word
importance
students
. There is the possibility of including more practical non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
on the syllabus like woodwork, textile design and computing skills
. If they study these subjects
students
will increase their employment prospects and could help them to secure employment when they leave school
. It is important to remember that not all students
will continue to higher education and school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
needs
to enable those Correct subject-verb agreement
need
students
to find work.
Finally
, too much pressure should not be put on school
students
. Taking part in non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
like art, music or drama gives students
the opportunity to be creative. This
could help them to manage stress degrees and have
more productive in other areas.
In Verb problem
be
conclusion
I would argue that Add a comma
conclusion,
although
academic subjects
being
important, Wrong verb form
are
this
should not be the only focus of a school
syllabus. There are a number of benefits to teaching students
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
subjects
.Submitted by rifki.lufthansa on
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relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples to support your main points, such as data or case studies.
logical structure
Improve the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next.
introduction conclusion present
Although your introduction and conclusion are present, make them more compelling by clearly laying out your stance and summarizing your main points.
task achievement
Your essay maintains a clear stance throughout, arguing for the inclusion of non-academic subjects in the school syllabus.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have included a variety of perspectives, discussing both the importance of academic and non-academic subjects.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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