Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is imp for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give opinion.
A number of individuals believe that adults need to involve their children to participate in group
iniciatives
, Correct your spelling
initiatives
while
other
consider that young must be able to entertain themselves. Fix the agreement mistake
others
This
essay completely agrees with the first point of view, due to
the fact that one of the parental duties is to help minors to learn right
values and socially approved behaviour through collective interactions and cooperation.
Correct article usage
the right
Availability
Correct article usage
The availability
of organizing
our own spare time through Change preposition
to organize
entertaining
, Replace the word
entertainment
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
or
creative activities or Correct word choice
apply
self- learning
comes from our personal qualities. Some kids are quite Correct your spelling
self-learning
self- independent
and happy to make themselves busy with cognitive content, drawing or assembling Lego constructors which help them to train their focus and creativity, Correct your spelling
self-independent
while
others easily get bored and tend to use their phones and play- station
to fulfil their free time. Recent researches demonstrate a constantly growing trend of using digital devices by juveniles.
Fix the agreement mistake
stations
On the other hand
, majority
of little ones require parental support in obtaining good Correct article usage
the majority
pattern
of behaviour in Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
community
, Add an article
the community
as well as
forming their own wellbeing habits and routines which is possible through sport
groups and creative afterschool activities. Change the noun form
sports
For instance
, friendship based on the same interests such
as sport, charity or art classes has bigger
Correct article usage
a bigger
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
to become
a life-long relationship and cooperation which is essential for human Change preposition
of becoming
being
.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
beings
although
some children are independent enough to occupy themselves, most of
adolescents need their parents’ guidance and involvement in social Change preposition
apply
gathering
to grow up and become Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
a
valuable Correct article usage
apply
member
of society.Fix the agreement mistake
members
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, but make sure each paragraph thoroughly supports your main points. Try to develop your arguments further with more in-depth analysis and evidence.
task achievement
While your response addresses the task, consider elaborating more on your ideas to enhance clarity and comprehensiveness. This will help in making your opinion stronger.
other
Work on reducing minor grammatical errors and improving vocabulary to boost the overall quality of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views, which is essential for achieving the task response criterion.
task achievement
You used relevant examples to support your arguments, which adds value to your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.