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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart shows the number of hours worked by men & women per week in Australia in 2007. Summarise information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the number of hours worked by men & women per week in Australia in 2007. Summarise information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table chart illustrates the data of students attending four secondary school types
during
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from
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 2000-2009 years
Overall
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, it can be seen that
,
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apply
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the least proportion of students choose the specialist schools in each year.
In contrast
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 to that, voluntary-controlled direction is the most popular option among the pupils, with over 20% every period. Looking at the details, we can find out that ,in 2000 an upward tendency was in voluntary-controlled type education, which involved half of the participants.
While
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, in 2009
this
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 statistic dropped to 20%.
Whereas
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, community schools show a
dramatical
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dramatic
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 increase from 12% to 58% in the same year.
On the other hand
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, there were
also
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 two educational systems that, stayed with around 11%.
Although
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, grammar classes in
2000's
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2000s
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 were in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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second place after the voluntary colleges

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Bar chart
  • Hours worked
  • Overall trend
  • Significant differences
  • Similarities
  • Peaks
  • Full-time
  • Part-time
  • Overtime
  • Proportion
  • Represented
  • Categories
  • Variations
  • Societal roles
  • National employment policies
  • Predominantly
  • Engaging in
  • Comparison
  • Domestic duties
  • Employment trends
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