in many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining.why do you think this is happening?how can this issue be solved?
nowadays, human activities can have a negative effect on the lives of them. in my opinion,
animals
and plants
which may result in decreasing the rate
Change preposition
of
this
Change the determiner
these
problems
come from deforestation and tourism .there
is much that can be done to Correct your spelling
There
solved
Change the form of the verb
solve
this
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
problems
constructively.
to begin
with, there are a lot
of reasons that have a negative effect on falling
the Verb problem
apply
rate
of flora and funna.firstly
, this
issue is
originated from deforestation. because in Unnecessary verb
apply
this
materialistic lifestyle, not many people place a high value on protecting our ecosystems in order to save different types of innocent creatures and plants
. in other words
, a majority of individuals just focus on their profits for themselves to benefit from the advantage of the forest. That is
why, tens of thousands of priceless trees are cut down to use in different aspects in order to make a lot
of money .
Correct your spelling
Secondly
secondly
, tourism can creates
a Wrong verb form
create
lot
of problems
for the animals
and plants
by putting pressure on the local resources because of constructing the facilities and infrastructures, like hotels on the untouched nature. this
style can endanger the habitaties
of wild Correct your spelling
habitat
animals
and a wide variety of plants
.
however
, there are many ways to tackle these problems
.the main responsibilities are on the shoulders of the government against deforestation. because governments can avoid this
action by introducing stricter laws and measures.since when the people are aware of the long-term dire consequence
of their acts. they prefer to avoid Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
action
. Fix the agreement mistake
actions
Moreover
, to reduce the rate
of negative impact on nature, we can protect this
place by employing many people who are interested in wildlife conservation as volunteers. this
way, doing a lot
of environmentally friendly can be a key step to save animals
and plants
.
in conclusion, it is true that the problem of reducing the rate
of flora and funna will probably not be solved quickly. however
, that is
not a reason to avoid taking action. government and many environmental friends can help to reduce the number of animals
and plants
.Submitted by salehmiri1995 on
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task achievement
Your essay lacks specific, detailed examples to support your points. Including more examples would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each of your paragraphs has a clear central idea and that your supporting points within paragraphs relate directly to that idea.
coherence cohesion
Some parts of your essay have issues with clarity and grammatical accuracy. Consider revising these sections to ensure your ideas are communicated clearly and accurately.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task, addressing both the causes of the issue and possible solutions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your ideas effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay logically, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific point.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example