In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicant for their age. Is this a positive or negative development?

Whether companies
rejecting
Wrong verb form
reject
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job
applicants for their age is a recurring argument.
This
writer argues that there is a positive improvement
than
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over
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its drawbacks. It is vital to understand that gaining
high level
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high-level
show examples
qualifications is the key to a successful career. Students should concentrate on their studies and transition from high school to university with distraction whilst maintaining focus on their academic goals, which they can benefit from in the future. Take the example of the architect, who has to study for several years at university, but once they
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduate
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can enjoy a well-respected and highly paid
job
. It would not be possible to do
this
without the necessary qualifications,
therefore
young people should look at the bigger picture when considering whether to work after leaving school.
However
, young people can become
commercially
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commercial
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by finding a
job
straight after college. Earning a salary means no longer relying on parents of
family
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the family
show examples
for
economically
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economic
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support, plus they will
under count
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undercount
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the value of money by realizing how long it takes to save for things they cannot afford.
For instance
, a student employed in
restaurant
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a restaurant
the restaurant
show examples
may have to work many months in order to purchase a new smartphone.
This
experience will
also
benefit them in the future and ensure they appreciate earning a higher salary after graduating from university. To encapsulate, there
is
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apply
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a numerous
of
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apply
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positive
development
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developments
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when
reject
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rejecting
show examples
job
seekers
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seekers'
seeker's
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future
Fix the agreement mistake
futures
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for
Change preposition
at
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young
Add an article
a young
the young
show examples
age.
This
can set them on the path to a brighter hereafter.
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task achievement
Your essay lacks a clear and direct response to the prompt. You should clearly state whether the prohibition on age-based job rejection is a positive or negative development. The current introduction is not clear and does not effectively present your argument.
task achievement
Your main points are somewhat supported but not fully developed. The examples should be directly relevant to the topic of age discrimination in hiring practices, rather than focusing on general education and employment benefits.
coherence cohesion
The essay suffers from some logical gaps and inconsistencies. Each paragraph needs to clearly support your main thesis. Consider organizing your essay with distinct paragraphs for each main point, with clear topic sentences and supporting details.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion is too brief and does not effectively summarize the main points or restate your thesis. A successful conclusion should clearly wrap up your argument and reiterate the main points of the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay attempts to deal with important issues such as education, employment, and financial independence, which are relevant to the broader context of job opportunities.
relevant specific examples
You have provided examples to illustrate your points, which is good practice. With some refinement, these examples can be made more relevant and effective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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