IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that it is good for a country’s culture to show imported foreign film and TV programmes. Others think that it is better to produce these locally. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #country’s #culture #show #film #tv #programmes
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The majority consider that importing international
films
 and TV channels is good for a
country
's
culture
.
While
 others believe that manufacturing these as local products is better.
This
 essay stands for the former statement, it
also
 discusses both sides which
variety
 of
country
culture
 and maintain the uniqueness of our
culture
. It is evidence that
culture
Correct article usage
the culture
show examples
 of the
country
 has changed a lot since the foreign
movies
 approach in the past.
This
 means not only hometown
culture
 but
also
 international
culture
 happens gradually in our lives. Some of characterize
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 from another
country
 are put into a film,
therefore
,
this
 might attract the viewers and create a
variety
 of cultures.
As a result
, the
country
's
culture
 develops day by day leading to more tourists and increasing the economy. Particularly, the anime from Japan imported around the world, like
cuisine
Change the noun form
cuisines
show examples
such
 as the reputation of sushi , sashimi and noodles led to a
variety
 of cuisine.
In contrast
, it must be recognized that local
movies
 are very good at maintaining the original
culture
. It can be explained that local
movies
 involve lots of the
country
's
culture
 to remind the spectators to remember their origin which is a priority for citizens.
For instance
, in Vietnam , there are a lot of traditional weddings which emphasise
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Vietnamese
culture
. From my point of view, foreign
films
 are better at improving a
country
's
culture
 because they have more
variety
 than the local ones and
also
 bring more benefits .
According to
 the modern era, I think foreign
films
 play an important role in the
culture
 and
also
 the economy. Taking everything into account, international
films
 can make a
variety
cultures
Change preposition
of cultures
show examples
whereas
 local produce
also
 contributes to a
country
's
culture
.
However
, it is better for
culture
 by global
movies
.
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task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which is great. However, ensure you explicitly present your opinion in the introduction as well to make it clearer to the reader.
task achievement
Work on elaborating your main points with more detailed arguments and specific examples. Doing so can strengthen your essay and provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from more paragraph breaks to structure your ideas more clearly. Each main point should ideally have its own paragraph to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Smooth transitions between points and paragraphs can improve the flow of your essay. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and present a logical beginning and end to your essay. This helps the reader understand the scope and summary of your argument.
task achievement
You have touched upon several relevant points, such as the influence of foreign films on cultural variety and the preservation of local culture through local films. This adds depth to your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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