IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that it is good for a country’s culture to show imported foreign film and TV programmes. Others think that it is better to produce these locally. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The majority consider that importing international
films
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 and TV channels is good for a
country
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's
culture
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.
While
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 others believe that manufacturing these as local products is better.
This
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 essay stands for the former statement, it
also
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 discusses both sides which
variety
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 of
country
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culture
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 and maintain the uniqueness of our
culture
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. It is evidence that
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culture
Correct article usage
the culture
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 of the
country
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 has changed a lot since the foreign
movies
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 approach in the past.
This
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 means not only hometown
culture
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 but
also
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 international
culture
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 happens gradually in our lives. Some of characterize
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Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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 from another
country
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 are put into a film,
therefore
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,
this
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 might attract the viewers and create a
variety
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 of cultures.
As a result
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, the
country
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's
culture
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 develops day by day leading to more tourists and increasing the economy. Particularly, the anime from Japan imported around the world, like
cuisine
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cuisines
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such
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 as the reputation of sushi , sashimi and noodles led to a
variety
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 of cuisine.
In contrast
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, it must be recognized that local
movies
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 are very good at maintaining the original
culture
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. It can be explained that local
movies
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 involve lots of the
country
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's
culture
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 to remind the spectators to remember their origin which is a priority for citizens.
For instance
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, in Vietnam , there are a lot of traditional weddings which emphasise
on
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apply
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Vietnamese
culture
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. From my point of view, foreign
films
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 are better at improving a
country
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's
culture
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 because they have more
variety
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 than the local ones and
also
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 bring more benefits .
According to
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 the modern era, I think foreign
films
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 play an important role in the
culture
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 and
also
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 the economy. Taking everything into account, international
films
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 can make a
variety
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cultures
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of cultures
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whereas
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 local produce
also
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 contributes to a
country
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's
culture
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.
However
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, it is better for
culture
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 by global
movies
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.

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task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which is great. However, ensure you explicitly present your opinion in the introduction as well to make it clearer to the reader.
task achievement
Work on elaborating your main points with more detailed arguments and specific examples. Doing so can strengthen your essay and provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from more paragraph breaks to structure your ideas more clearly. Each main point should ideally have its own paragraph to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Smooth transitions between points and paragraphs can improve the flow of your essay. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and present a logical beginning and end to your essay. This helps the reader understand the scope and summary of your argument.
task achievement
You have touched upon several relevant points, such as the influence of foreign films on cultural variety and the preservation of local culture through local films. This adds depth to your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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