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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #companies #job #applicants #age #development
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In recent days, several states implemented laws against maturity discrimination
while
 hiring.
This
 can cause both pros and cons to countries.
nevertheless
, in my opinion, I consider
such
 laws to be
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 development
as a consequence
 of the disadvantages. First and foremost, a ton of drawbacks when the governments do not allow employers to recruit someone
due to
 their life.
Firstly
, if we talk about young individuals some companies cause the public to have no experience.
Secondly
, older workers may lose their salary, leading to becoming poor
due to
 their expenditures including food, medicine, clothes, education, entertainment and more. Notwithstanding, there are multiple menus. As I mentioned before, business companies do not allow teenagers to their position in their old age which means they have only a few experiences or have even not finished high school yet,
this
 can make the student learn more for their knowledge
consequently
,
this
 can make that country have more intelligent people which can make an upward economy and can help the majority of the population to become wealthy. As more geniuses, society can make a lot of advanced progress in their nation.
Moreover
, some elderly person cannot do physical occupations
due to
 their well-being, so
this
 may affect their physical health which is dangerous for them. In conclusion, with youth comes wisdom and knowledge but
also
 leads to physical well-being.
Therefore
, legislation for job applications from youth is a necessary and positive development.

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introduction conclusion present
Work on improving your introduction and conclusion. The introduction lacks clarity, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points. Aim for a more structured and clear opening that outlines your main argument and a conclusion that effectively encapsulates your key points.
logical structure
Ensure that your points are logically structured and well-connected. Some ideas seem isolated or abruptly introduced. Use linking words and phrases to create smooth transitions between your ideas.
relevant specific examples
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points. This helps to illustrate your arguments and makes your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
complete response
Your essay addresses the topic and makes an effort to present both sides of the argument. This shows a good understanding of the prompt and an attempt to provide a balanced response.
clear comprehensive ideas
You show awareness of the importance of experience and the economic implications of age discrimination laws. This demonstrates a clear engagement with the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age diversity
  • combat age discrimination
  • job opportunities
  • experienced individuals
  • vast knowledge
  • suboptimal hiring decisions
  • legal compliance
  • reverse discrimination
  • operational costs
  • health insurance
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