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Writing Samples /
Band 4

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

#plans #show #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparison
The plans illustrate the changes that have been made to Grance
Park
, comparing its look on the first day of its launch in 1920, to how it looks now. In terms of location, the entrances remain at the same place and a new entrance to the underground car
park
 was added.
In addition
, the rose garden in the top left remains the same. The rest of the
park
 has completely changed its look. Comparing emendates, a new cafe was built
instead
 of a rose garden in the top right and a pond for water plants was replaced by a children's play area.
In addition
, the seats that in 1920 were spread along the fence, today centralized around the rose garden, in the middle of the area. The old stage for the musicians was replaced by an
amphitheater
Change the spelling
amphitheatre
show examples
 for concerts and
instead
 of a glasshouse water feature was established.
Overall
, the modern version of the
park
 is more orientated to children and has
upgraded
Correct article usage
an upgraded
show examples
 place for music
performance
Fix the agreement mistake
performances
show examples
,
as well as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
provides additional services,
such
 as
cafe
Correct article usage
a cafe
show examples
 and underground parking facilities,
however
, fewer plants are presented.
Submitted by vikiregev on

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task achievement
Make sure the introduction gives a clear overview of both plans being compared, rather than just stating that there are changes. This sets up the context more comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
The description can benefit from some smoother transitions between comparing different parts. This ensures the writing flows better for the reader.
task achievement
Mentioning specific changes with clearer examples and explanations can strengthen your argument and make comparisons sharper.
coherence cohesion
You maintain a clear structure in the essay. The introduction, body, and comparison sections are discernible and logically follow one another.
task achievement
The main changes in the park are well noted. You accurately describe what has replaced what and the general trend of the changes.
task achievement
A good level of detail is provided in the descriptions. You mention specific examples like the new café, amphitheater, and centralized seating arrangement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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