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Band 3

Science will soon make it possible for people to live until 100 years, perhaps even to 200 years. Some people think that this would be a good thing. Others think that it would cause many problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#science #people #years
Extending
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 life span through scientific
breakthrough
Fix the agreement mistake
breakthroughs
show examples
 is currently viewed as a potential advantage by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
While
 others think that
this
 could cause problems and could make the situation much worse.
However
, I will be discussing both views but will mostly lean towards the latter one. On one hand, increasing
longetivity
Correct your spelling
longevity
 could possibly help to sustain human resources with great experience to minimize chaos in the
economics
Replace the word
economy
show examples
. In
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
, family members
such
 as your grandparents will gain more time to spend with their
grand children
Correct your spelling
grandchildren
show examples
. The
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 and social cohesion gives it an edge for science to improve human life.
On the other hand
,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in population
due to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in death could potentially lead to competition for resources
such
 as job opportunities, land and food.
In addition
, the cost of living will significantly rise as the population has to bear elders with special health needs to
Correct your spelling
continuously
continously
Correct your spelling
continuously
 sustain
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
Correct your spelling
longevity
longetivity
Correct your spelling
longevity
. Innovations will slow down as sustainability becomes the centre of attention. In conclusion,
although
 science could increase the life span of humans by an extra hundred years it could potentially benefit us
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
species if we figure out a way to manage and share our resources responsibly
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other.
Submitted by onlineconsumer on

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task achievement
Work on expanding your main points with more detailed supporting arguments and specific examples to enhance the relevancy and depth of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your work to correct minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'longetivity' (should be 'longevity'), 'there' (should be 'their'), etc., to improve clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Good attempt at addressing both sides of the argument and clearly stating your position.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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