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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of workers in three sectors across four countries in 1980 and 2010.

The charts below show the percentage of workers in three sectors across four countries in 1980 and 2010.
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The two tables describe information about the
proportion
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 of
individuals
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 employed in three different sectors (
Agriculture
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,
Services
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Industry
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 ) across four different
countries
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 Germany, Japan,
China
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 and the USA in 1980 and 2010. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the percentage of workers in
agriculture
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 and
services
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 of all
countries
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 experienced a
decrease
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decreasing
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 trend,
while
Linking Words
 the
proportion
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 of
individuals
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 employed in
industry
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 across three different
countries
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 experienced an upward trend except for
China
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, the percentage accounting for the largest amount of
agriculture
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worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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 in
China
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, but the
proportion
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 of
industry
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 workers in
this
Linking Words
 country
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 lowest amount over the period.
First,
Linking Words
in 1980, the distribution of the workforce in Germany showed that 60% of
individuals
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 worked in
industry
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, with
services
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 and
agriculture
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 accounting for 50% and 5%, respectively. In the United States and Japan about half the workforce is employed in
industry
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 and a minority in
agriculture
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.
China
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 has a
distribution
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distributed
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 agricultural workforce,
at
Change preposition
of
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 70%, more than
services
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 and
industry
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 at 20% and 30%, respectively. Second table in 2010,
industry
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 in Germany,
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 and Japan had a slight increase, from 70% to 80%,
while
Linking Words
China
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's
industry
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 remained steady at 40%.
Services
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 in
China
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 decreased significantly by 30%, the remaining
countries
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 decreased by 10%.
Whereas
Linking Words
China
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’s
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proportion
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 of
individuals
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 employed in
agriculture
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 experienced a 20% plunge , the figures for the remaining three
countries
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 remain accounting for less than 10%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, individuals, agriculture, services, industry, countries, china with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "tables" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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