Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Whether encouraging

children

Use synonyms

to attend group

extracurricula

Correct your spelling

extracurricular

extra curricula

extracurriculars

during their leisure time, or to learn to cope with problems on their own is a heated debate. It is the writer’s opinion that having group activities throughout

the

Change the word

their

show examples

free time can profoundly improve

childrenn’s

Correct your spelling

children’s

social

skills

Use synonyms

as well as

Linking Words

help them to have more friends,

expand

Correct word choice

and expand

show examples

their relationships; despite the importance of self-learning from the latter

one

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

. It is acknowledged that the kids can significantly enhance their knowledge

ans

Correct your spelling

and

skills

Use synonyms

via outdoor gameplays in teams. Primarily,

children

Use synonyms

playing team games can develop their team-building

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

and know how to effectively communicate with

the

Change the word

their

show examples

teammates. Participating in,

for instance

Linking Words

, football

also

Linking Words

help

Change the verb form

helps

show examples

children

Use synonyms

strengthen

the

Change the word

their

show examples

specialized

skills

Use synonyms

game

Add an article

the game

show examples

, controlling the balls fluently

as well as

Linking Words

smoothly

work

Wrong verb form

working

show examples

Change preposition

with

show examples

the whole team throughout the matches. In spite of the spending for those activities, it is worthwhile as

children

Use synonyms

can profoundly gain many benefits for their potential future. Still, a part of

community

Add an article

the community

show examples

believes that working

the

Change preposition

on the

show examples

problem on

kid’s

Correct article usage

the kid’s

show examples

own has its advantages.

In particular

Linking Words

, when a child independently looks into the problem, without any assistance, he or she is able to

workout

Correct your spelling

work out

show examples

the situation with no need to rely on anybody.

This

Linking Words

point may be true but there is the truth that working as

a lone individuals

Correct the article-noun agreement

a lone individual

lone individuals

show examples

can

be restrict

Change the verb form

restrict

show examples

the infants in terms of friends.

Subsequently

Linking Words

, it negatively affects

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their mental

healths

Fix the agreement mistake

health

show examples

, causing various troubles

such

Linking Words

as depression or anti-social.

Hence

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

suggestion is not relatively approved in some ways.

In addition

Linking Words

, another point worth mentioning is the boons to befriend

among

Change preposition

apply

show examples

numerous kids through taking part in team-building activities. From

this

Linking Words

, they can bridge more

gap

Fix the agreement mistake

gaps

show examples

between other

children

Use synonyms

and have more memorable moments

togother

Correct your spelling

together

This

Linking Words

results in not only widening their relationship which is crucially beneficial

Change preposition

for

show examples

future business purposes, but

also

Linking Words

creating

the

Correct article usage

show examples

firm mental pillar to endure and survive in

this

Linking Words

harsh reality. Taking all

point

Fix the agreement mistake

points

show examples

into account, enhancing

children

Use synonyms

’s practically useful

skills

Use synonyms

and number of friends are those advantages brought from group games, outweigh the vital role of solely playing of

children

Use synonyms

Thus

Linking Words

, the writer is likely more inclined towards the former idea rather than the latter

Tue Jun 11 2024

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task achievement

Ensure you stay on topic and provide relevant examples. Your current essay sometimes strays off-topic, making it less focused.

coherence cohesion

Organize your essay into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should have one main idea that is explored thoroughly.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your main points. This will make your argument stronger and more compelling.

task achievement

You have definitely addressed both sides of the argument, which is essential for this type of question.

coherence cohesion

Your essay shows a good effort in linking ideas together, which aids in readability.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

362 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

encourage
organised group activities
free time
occupy themselves
valuable life skills
teamwork
communication
leadership
structured environment
socialise
make new friends
creativity
independence
problem-solving skills
explore their interests
sense of self-reliance
active and healthy
physical well-being
obesity
resourceful
hobbies
skills
balanced upbringing
fulfilling upbringing
busy schedule
stress
burnout
strike a balance
free time
manage their free time effectively
crucial life skill

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctors. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people argue that historic buildings should be preserved in their original form. Others argue that this is both inadvisable and impossible. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

As the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing more and more jobs. Describe some job positions that may be lost because of computers, and discuss at least one problem that may result.

Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?