Write about the following topic: Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Whether encouraging
children
to attend group extracurricula
during their leisure time, or to learn to cope with problems on their own is a heated debate. It is the writer’s opinion that having group activities throughout Correct your spelling
extracurricular
extra curricula
extracurriculars
the
free time can profoundly improve Change the word
their
childrenn’s
social Correct your spelling
children’s
skills
as well as
help them to have more friends, expand
their relationships; despite the importance of self-learning from the latterCorrect word choice
and expand
one
.
It is acknowledged that the kids can significantly enhance their knowledge Correct pronoun usage
apply
ans
Correct your spelling
and
skills
via outdoor gameplays in teams. Primarily, children
playing team games can develop their team-building skill
and know how to effectively communicate with Fix the agreement mistake
skills
the
teammates. Participating in, Change the word
their
for instance
, football also
help
Change the verb form
helps
children
strengthen the
specialized Change the word
their
skills
in game
, controlling the balls fluently Add an article
the game
as well as
smoothly work
Wrong verb form
working
in
the whole team throughout the matches. In spite of the spending for those activities, it is worthwhile as Change preposition
with
children
can profoundly gain many benefits for their potential future.
Still, a part of community
believes that working Add an article
the community
the
problem on Change preposition
on the
kid’s
own has its advantages. Correct article usage
the kid’s
In particular
, when a child independently looks into the problem, without any assistance, he or she is able to workout
the situation with no need to rely on anybody. Correct your spelling
work out
This
point may be true but there is the truth that working as a lone individuals
can Correct the article-noun agreement
a lone individual
lone individuals
be restrict
the infants in terms of friends. Change the verb form
restrict
Subsequently
, it negatively affects to
their mental Change preposition
apply
healths
, causing various troubles Fix the agreement mistake
health
such
as depression or anti-social. Hence
, this
suggestion is not relatively approved in some ways.
In addition
, another point worth mentioning is the boons to befriend among
numerous kids through taking part in team-building activities. From Change preposition
apply
this
, they can bridge more gap
between other Fix the agreement mistake
gaps
children
and have more memorable moments togother
. Correct your spelling
together
This
results in not only widening their relationship which is crucially beneficial in
future business purposes, but Change preposition
for
also
creating the
firm mental pillar to endure and survive in Correct article usage
a
this
harsh reality.
Taking all point
into account, enhancing Fix the agreement mistake
points
children
’s practically useful skills
and number of friends are those advantages brought from group games, outweigh the vital role of solely playing of children
. Thus
, the writer is likely more inclined towards the former idea rather than the latterUnauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure you stay on topic and provide relevant examples. Your current essay sometimes strays off-topic, making it less focused.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should have one main idea that is explored thoroughly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. This will make your argument stronger and more compelling.
task achievement
You have definitely addressed both sides of the argument, which is essential for this type of question.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a good effort in linking ideas together, which aids in readability.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example