Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Whether encouraging
children
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to attend group
extracurricula
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extracurricular
extra curricula
extracurriculars

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during their leisure time, or to learn to cope with problems on their own is a heated debate. It is the writer’s opinion that having group activities throughout
the
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their

The word the may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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free time can profoundly improve
childrenn’s
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children’s

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social
skills
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as well as
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help them to have more friends,
expand
Correct word choice
and expand

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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their relationships; despite the importance of self-learning from the latter
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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. It is acknowledged that the kids can significantly enhance their knowledge
ans
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and

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skills
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via outdoor gameplays in teams. Primarily,
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

playing team games can develop their team-building
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills

It seems that skill may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and know how to effectively communicate with
the
Change the word
their

The word the may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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teammates. Participating in,
for instance
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, football
also
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help
Change the verb form
helps

The plural verb help does not appear to agree with the singular subject football. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

strengthen
the
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their

The word the may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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specialized
skills
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
game
Add an article
the game

The noun phrase game seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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, controlling the balls fluently
as well as
Linking Words

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smoothly
work
Wrong verb form
working

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb work. Consider changing it.

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in
Change preposition
with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the whole team throughout the matches. In spite of the spending for those activities, it is worthwhile as
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can profoundly gain many benefits for their potential future. Still, a part of
community
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the community

The noun phrase community seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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believes that working
the
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on the

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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problem on
kid’s
Correct article usage
the kid’s

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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own has its advantages.
In particular
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, when a child independently looks into the problem, without any assistance, he or she is able to
workout
Correct your spelling
work out

The word workout doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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the situation with no need to rely on anybody.
This
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

point may be true but there is the truth that working as
a lone individuals
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lone individual
lone individuals

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun individuals in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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can
be restrict
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restrict

It appears that the form of the verb restrict does not work with be in this sentence.

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the infants in terms of friends.
Subsequently
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, it negatively affects
to
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their mental
healths
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health

It seems that healths may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, causing various troubles
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as depression or anti-social.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
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suggestion is not relatively approved in some ways.
In addition
Linking Words

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, another point worth mentioning is the boons to befriend
among
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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numerous kids through taking part in team-building activities. From
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they can bridge more
gap
Fix the agreement mistake
gaps

It seems that gap may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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between other
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and have more memorable moments
togother
Correct your spelling
together

If you don’t want togother to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

results in not only widening their relationship which is crucially beneficial
in
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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future business purposes, but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

creating
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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firm mental pillar to endure and survive in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

harsh reality. Taking all
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points

It seems that point may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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into account, enhancing
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

’s practically useful
skills
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and number of friends are those advantages brought from group games, outweigh the vital role of solely playing of
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the writer is likely more inclined towards the former idea rather than the latter

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task achievement
Ensure you stay on topic and provide relevant examples. Your current essay sometimes strays off-topic, making it less focused.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should have one main idea that is explored thoroughly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. This will make your argument stronger and more compelling.
task achievement
You have definitely addressed both sides of the argument, which is essential for this type of question.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a good effort in linking ideas together, which aids in readability.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • organised group activities
  • free time
  • occupy themselves
  • valuable life skills
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • leadership
  • structured environment
  • socialise
  • make new friends
  • creativity
  • independence
  • problem-solving skills
  • explore their interests
  • sense of self-reliance
  • active and healthy
  • physical well-being
  • obesity
  • resourceful
  • hobbies
  • skills
  • balanced upbringing
  • fulfilling upbringing
  • busy schedule
  • stress
  • burnout
  • strike a balance
  • free time
  • manage their free time effectively
  • crucial life skill
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