Test 17: Governments should focus their spending on public services rather than on the art (e.g. Music and painting). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people assert that it is more advisable for the authorities to invest in public services
instead
of art. Owing to the social well-being and the current inclination of residents’ needs, this
writer totally agree
with Change the verb form
agrees
this
statement and will explain it in the following sections.
It is straightforward to recognize that public services provide crucial contributions for the whole social sustainability. With improved facilities, increasingly residents are appealed and
will utilize these services more frequently, which leads to an enormous and stable profit for the national budget. In the long term, it is Change preposition
to and
this
budget that is
responsible for the economic growth. Take Vietnam as an example, where the majority of healthcare centers
have witnessed an innovation recently Change the spelling
centres
illustrates
that 20% of national income emerges from medical fields. Wrong verb form
illustrating
Subsequently
, education, transportation as well as
other aspects also
experience a rise in income.
Another key element that must be mentioned is the general preference among the public. Following
this
statement, the vast of dwellers in these present days are able to enjoy various forms of art conveniently due to
social networking sites and online shopping. Whenever one has a demand to perform artistic activities, a wide range of tools for
instance, brushes, color patterns Add the comma(s)
, for
or
speakers and microphones are always available on the digital market. Because of Correct word choice
apply
this
, Correct quantifier usage
no
none
drawbacks have been recorded, Rephrase
no
therefore
an investment in this
aspect is definitely a waste. Consequently
, there should be a lack of essential budget for other necessities, which gradually harms social stability.
In conclusion, it is worth considering to spend on public properties rather than art. However
, this
essay has outlined the primary purposes for the approval.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your task response addresses the topic well and presents a clear stance on the issue of government spending. However, you could enhance the impact of your argument by providing more specific examples and detailed explanations. Consider discussing how diverting funds from the arts to public services would directly benefit individuals and society as a whole in more concrete terms.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has an overall logical structure and is cohesively organized, the transitions between some of your sections could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing economic growth to mentioning general preferences could be more fluid. Consider using more connective words and phrases to guide the reader through your points seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Some of your main points, while valid, could be better supported with specific examples and further elaboration. For instance, when you mention that residents frequently utilize improved public services, providing detailed statistics or case studies could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your stance on the issue and provides a preview of the points you will discuss, which sets a solid foundation for your essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your main argument, reinforcing your stance effectively. This helps to leave a strong final impression on the reader.
task achievement
You have addressed multiple aspects of the issue, discussing both public services and the arts, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?