IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Test 17: Governments should focus their spending on public services rather than on the art (e.g. Music and painting). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people assert that it is more advisable for the authorities to invest in public services
instead
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 of art. Owing to the social well-being and the current inclination of residents’ needs,
this
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 writer totally
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 with
this
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 statement and will explain it in the following sections. It is straightforward to recognize that public services provide crucial contributions for the whole social sustainability. With improved facilities, increasingly residents are appealed
and
Change preposition
to and
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 will utilize these services more frequently, which leads to an enormous and stable profit for the national budget. In the long term, it is
this
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 budget
that is
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 responsible for the economic growth. Take Vietnam as an example, where the majority of healthcare
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 have witnessed an innovation recently
illustrates
Wrong verb form
illustrating
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 that 20% of national income emerges from medical fields.
Subsequently
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, education, transportation
as well as
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 other aspects
also
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 experience a rise in income. Another key element that must be mentioned is the general preference among the public.
Following
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this
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 statement, the vast of dwellers in these present days are able to enjoy various forms of art conveniently
due to
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 social networking sites and online shopping. Whenever one has a demand to perform artistic activities, a wide range of tools
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for
Add the comma(s)
, for
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 instance, brushes, color patterns
or
Correct word choice
apply
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speakers and microphones are always available on the digital market. Because of
this
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,
Correct quantifier usage
no
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none
Rephrase
no
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 drawbacks have been recorded,
therefore
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 an investment in
this
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 aspect is definitely a waste.
Consequently
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, there should be a lack of essential budget for other necessities, which gradually harms social stability. In conclusion, it is worth considering to spend on public properties rather than art.
However
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,
this
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 essay has outlined the primary purposes for the approval.

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task achievement
Your task response addresses the topic well and presents a clear stance on the issue of government spending. However, you could enhance the impact of your argument by providing more specific examples and detailed explanations. Consider discussing how diverting funds from the arts to public services would directly benefit individuals and society as a whole in more concrete terms.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has an overall logical structure and is cohesively organized, the transitions between some of your sections could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing economic growth to mentioning general preferences could be more fluid. Consider using more connective words and phrases to guide the reader through your points seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Some of your main points, while valid, could be better supported with specific examples and further elaboration. For instance, when you mention that residents frequently utilize improved public services, providing detailed statistics or case studies could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your stance on the issue and provides a preview of the points you will discuss, which sets a solid foundation for your essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your main argument, reinforcing your stance effectively. This helps to leave a strong final impression on the reader.
task achievement
You have addressed multiple aspects of the issue, discussing both public services and the arts, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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