In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents choosing to self-educate their children at home rather than sending them to school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the disadvantages?
The preference of educating
children
at home
by parents
over letting them participating
in traditional classroom Wrong verb form
participate
setting
has seen a sharp growth recently. Fix the agreement mistake
settings
While
the statement is valid to some extent, I would contend this
issue brings more demerits than their counterparts.
Without a shadow of a doubt, there is a wide range of parents
who want to teach their kids on their own instead
of letting schools do it. There are justifiable reasons to note that they acknowledge of
some inevitable conflicts which can happen in schools. Change preposition
apply
This
can be seen in the way that in some educational institutions in Vietnam nowadays, there is a circumstance where a student in grade 8 have
a misunderstanding with two others at Correct subject-verb agreement
has
a
same age and they start to fight against each other quite hard. After having physical damage by being punched, that boy was fatally injured and Correct article usage
the
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
this
causes
an undesirable death to him. Wrong verb form
caused
Therefore
, parents
can keep their children
at home
to ensure their kids’ safety and avoid inevitable situations that can happen badly in the future.
While
the positive effects of not sending children
to school by their parents
are widely acknowledged, homeschooled teenagers can miss out on a wide range of tremendous benefits provided by public schools. This
is owing to the fact that children
can face with
Change preposition
apply
the
lack of interaction with other people Correct article usage
a
such
as teachers and intimate friends. To be more precise, teachers are trained under a professional system which provides them a
wealth of practical skills and insights to teach students in a proper way. Unlike their Add the preposition
with a
parents
who can have knowledge but lack of
teaching expertise so they cannot Change preposition
apply
impart
their kids as Verb problem
teach
professional
as teachers do. Regarding friends, Change the word
professionally
children
can learn many soft skills such
as problem solving
skills or Add a hyphen
problem-solving
teamworking
where they can be well-trained in a Correct your spelling
teamwork
small-sized
society and beneficial for their development rather than being Correct your spelling
small
at
alone at Change preposition
apply
home
, self studying
and Add a hyphen
self-studying
have
a limitation on interacting with other people. Wrong verb form
having
Hence
, it is more appropriate for children
to joining
educational institutions to gain better benefits.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
join
home
education are
good in some situations, Change the verb form
is
however
, children
can miss out of
some beneficial impacts of traditional education. Change preposition
on
Moreover
, homeschooling’s disadvantages can be minimized provided that parents
teach their kids methods to prevent some undesirable circumstances.Submitted by hominhtrang995 on
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coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to ensure ideas are better connected and the essay reads more smoothly.
task achievement
Build upon your main points with more detailed examples and explanations to enhance the depth of your argument.
task achievement
There are a few grammatical and lexical errors. Proofread your essay for these minor inaccuracies to make your writing more polished.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt well, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of homeschooling.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully included a clear introduction and conclusion, which neatly frame the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are relevant and supported by examples, notable with the incident mentioned from Vietnam, which adds specificity to your argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example