Cách mạng Công nghiệp 4.0 đang diễn ra. Nó mang đến cho nhân loại cơ hội để thay đổi bộ mặt các nền kinh tế qua Internet vạn vật, các hệ thống thực ảo, giao tiếp, cộng tác với nhau.

Nowadays, more and more people are able to approach the internet, leading to e-learning has exploded. With the population of e-learning, some people believe that physical
classrooms
are
Replace the word
redundant
show examples
redundancy
Replace the word
redundant
show examples
. As
a
Change the article
an
show examples
author of
this
essay, I totally
disgree
Correct your spelling
disagree
with
this
statement
due to
the limitation in
communicating
Replace the word
communication
show examples
skills and the lack of assistance during studying. First of all, learning
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the traditional classroom
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
students
the opportunities to meet other
students
and friends. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other words, assisting their
communicating
Replace the word
communication
show examples
abilities through working with other
students
,
while
e-learning
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
not have many opportunities to talk with
classmate
Fix the agreement mistake
classmates
show examples
or teachers. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
, interactive activities and live discussions allow
students
to enhance their
communicating
Replace the word
communication
show examples
skills and
confidences
Fix the agreement mistake
confidence
show examples
during talking with strangers.
Furthermore
, the
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
of traditional
classrooms
is becoming vital
due to
the development of technology. because more and more courses
such
as
physic
Replace the word
physics
show examples
or chemistry
are being needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
the live
intructions
Correct your spelling
instructions
from the teachers, which e-learning
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
not have.
For instance
, having a science laboratory at home
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
not budget-friendly and
also
unsafe for everyone to practise with. In conclusion, traditional
classrooms
are vital
due to
the development of children, so e-learning is not making conventional
classrooms
redundancy
Replace the word
redundant
show examples
.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay provides a relevant response to the task, but there are some areas for improvement. First, ensure that you address all parts of the question thoroughly. Consider the advantages and disadvantages of both e-learning and traditional classrooms and provide more balanced viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, pay more attention to the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Using linking words and phrases can help achieve this. For example, transitional phrases like "On the other hand" or "However" can improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each main point is well-supported with clear and specific examples. While your points are relevant, they could be more robustly backed up with detailed explanations and examples. This will help in achieving a higher score.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument, clearly stating your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear conclusion that restates your position and summarizes the main points, which strengthens the essay's cohesion.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Industrial Revolution 4.0
  • Internet of Things (IoT)
  • cyber-physical systems (CPS)
  • automation
  • artificial intelligence
  • workforce displacement
  • real-time collaboration
  • economic modeling
  • data exchange
  • efficiency
  • new industries
  • job creation
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!