IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Cách mạng Công nghiệp 4.0 đang diễn ra. Nó mang đến cho nhân loại cơ hội để thay đổi bộ mặt các nền kinh tế qua Internet vạn vật, các hệ thống thực ảo, giao tiếp, cộng tác với nhau.

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Nowadays, more and more people are able to approach the internet, leading to e-learning has exploded. With the population of e-learning, some people believe that physical
classrooms
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 are
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redundant
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redundancy
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redundant
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. As
a
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an
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 author of
this
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 essay, I totally
disgree
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disagree
 with
this
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 statement
due to
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 the limitation in
communicating
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communication
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 skills and the lack of assistance during studying. First of all, learning
at
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in
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 the traditional classroom
provide
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provides
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students
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 the opportunities to meet other
students
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 and friends. In
the
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apply
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other words, assisting their
communicating
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communication
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 abilities through working with other
students
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,
while
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 e-learning
do
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does
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 not have many opportunities to talk with
classmate
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classmates
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 or teachers. For
examples
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example
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, interactive activities and live discussions allow
students
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 to enhance their
communicating
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communication
show examples
 skills and
confidences
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confidence
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 during talking with strangers.
Furthermore
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, the
existance
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existence
 of traditional
classrooms
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 is becoming vital
due to
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 the development of technology. because more and more courses
such
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 as
physic
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physics
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 or chemistry
are being needed
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need
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 the live
intructions
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instructions
 from the teachers, which e-learning
do
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does
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 not have.
For instance
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, having a science laboratory at home
are
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is
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 not budget-friendly and
also
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 unsafe for everyone to practise with. In conclusion, traditional
classrooms
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 are vital
due to
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 the development of children, so e-learning is not making conventional
classrooms
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redundancy
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redundant
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a relevant response to the task, but there are some areas for improvement. First, ensure that you address all parts of the question thoroughly. Consider the advantages and disadvantages of both e-learning and traditional classrooms and provide more balanced viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, pay more attention to the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Using linking words and phrases can help achieve this. For example, transitional phrases like "On the other hand" or "However" can improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each main point is well-supported with clear and specific examples. While your points are relevant, they could be more robustly backed up with detailed explanations and examples. This will help in achieving a higher score.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument, clearly stating your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear conclusion that restates your position and summarizes the main points, which strengthens the essay's cohesion.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Industrial Revolution 4.0
  • Internet of Things (IoT)
  • cyber-physical systems (CPS)
  • automation
  • artificial intelligence
  • workforce displacement
  • real-time collaboration
  • economic modeling
  • data exchange
  • efficiency
  • new industries
  • job creation
What to do next:
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