Some people think that public health within a country can be improved by government making laws regarding nutritious food. Others, however, think that health is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is said that the government should determine a regulation about nutrition
food
to enhance healthy care in a nation. While
,
some believe that public health should be individual for some plausible reason. Others feel that it should be taken into account to several extents. There are arguments on both sides which I will explain in Remove the comma
apply
this
essay.
On the one hand, people
who oppose healthy food
regulation argue that many people
love unhealthy meals. It is because they want to try something new. For instance
, There are many varieties of noodles which are sold in supermarkets which
are consumed by many Correct word choice
and
people
regularly. In addition
, unhealthy food
is simple. It is said that several societies do not stay with family, they do not have much time to cook daily for themself. Therefore
, ordering junk food
is the best option for them. Lastly
, producing and selling unhealthy products gives revenue for
a country. It is because one of a nation’s income is taxes which are paid by a company to the tax ministry.
Change preposition
to
On the other hand
,by making laws about healthy lifestyle
, Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
firstly
, it can advise the citizens to choose healthy lifestyles. It is done by the health ministry with a campaign for healthy
life. Add an article
a healthy
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
People
who do not know about the importance of health will try to change their habit in
selecting dish sources with high nutritional content. Change preposition
of
Secondly
, regulation can prevent diseases in a country. For instance
, Indonesia banned several instances working
offline because of Change preposition
of working
coronavirus
in 2020.
In conclusion, it seems to me that public care regulations are beneficial to some extent. Correct article usage
the coronavirus
However
, I firmly believe that the drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
from
Change preposition
of
this
issue should be forgotten. such
as Instant eating is simple and is liked by many generations, including unhealthy products that are one of the incomes for a nation.Submitted by k a l l a on
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coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety and avoid repetitive wording. Some sentences are quite short and could be combined for better fluency.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from a more detailed explanation of each point. Providing more specific examples and elaborating on them would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transition words and phrases are used consistently to link ideas. This will aid in improving the overall cohesion of the essay.
task achievement
The essay appropriately discusses both views on the topic, which shows an understanding of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a well-organized framework for the response.
task achievement
Main points are present and are mostly supported with relevant reasons or examples.