Some people say that what children watch on television influences their behaviour while others say the amount of time children spend watching television influences their behaviour. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some
people
present that Use synonyms
TV
Use synonyms
content
can impact Use synonyms
children
's behaviour Use synonyms
while
others maintain that it is not Linking Words
content
but the amount of Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
children
spend watching television that matters. From my perspective, Use synonyms
although
both sides sound reasonable, the latter Linking Words
one
is more close to the crux of the issue. Use synonyms
However
, before setting forth my opinions, I hope to seriously discuss the first perspective first.
We have to confess that for Linking Words
children
, spending too much Use synonyms
time
watching Use synonyms
TV
is harmful both for their physical and mental health. On the Use synonyms
one
hand, these Use synonyms
children
's outdoor Use synonyms
time
will definitely be occupied when they are addicted Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
TV
Use synonyms
programs
, which easily leads to obesity or high pressure. Use synonyms
According to
a recent research financed by WHO, approximately 35% of American young Linking Words
people
are troubled with obesity, and Use synonyms
one
of the primary causes is the excessive use of screens. Regards mental health, spending too much Use synonyms
time
on Use synonyms
TV
Use synonyms
also
results in some issues. To illustrate, in so far as my observation, of my relatives' Linking Words
children
, those who indulge in Use synonyms
TV
Use synonyms
programs
are more inclined to isolate themselves from group activities, which seems to imply that indulging in Use synonyms
TV
Use synonyms
programs
may make Use synonyms
people
excessively introverted. In a word, spending too much Use synonyms
time
watching Use synonyms
TV
indeed jeopardizes Use synonyms
children
's mental and physical health to a certain degree.
Use synonyms
Nonetheless
, inappropriate Linking Words
TV
Use synonyms
content
may be more harmful. When I refer to the word "inappropriate", it is unavoidable to incur the suspicion of censorship, which is usually regarded as a violation of others' freedom. Use synonyms
However
, Linking Words
this
opinion itself is Linking Words
also
a vivid manifestation of the issues of Linking Words
TV
Use synonyms
content
. Too often Use synonyms
TV
Use synonyms
content
provides us with some ostensibly plausible slogans to allow us enough Use synonyms
time
to contemplate their validity Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
them
. Correct pronoun usage
apply
For example
, some Linking Words
TV
Use synonyms
programs
have always been advocating the importance of respecting Use synonyms
children
's freedom in the favour of those rebellious Use synonyms
children
, Use synonyms
while
they seldom refer to the consequent duties and risks. When innocent Linking Words
children
are continuously inculcated with these irresponsible doctrines, they will be selfish egoists without any sense of responsibility.
To summarize, a child who spends too much Use synonyms
time
watching Use synonyms
TV
may become common or not robust as lack of exercise, but Use synonyms
this
does not prevent them from possessing Linking Words
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
such
characteristics as bravery, patience and kindness that Linking Words
necessary
for an upright person. Add a missing verb
are necessary
However
, the empty rhetoric on Linking Words
TV
Use synonyms
programs
does jeopardize Use synonyms
one
's integrity and inhibit the development of a sense of duty. Use synonyms
Therefore
, though both sides are reasonable, I still agree more with the Linking Words
people
who pay attention to Use synonyms
content
as at least for me, the cultivation of moralities is the most crucial.Use synonyms
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task achievement
You responded to the task effectively, addressing both perspectives and providing your opinion clearly. To improve further, ensure all points are covered in more depth and balanced. For instance, you can provide more specific examples or data to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is coherent and well-structured, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, try to use a variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs and ideas. This will ensure your essay reads more naturally and smoothly.
task achievement
You provided a thorough and complete response to the task, covering both perspectives effectively and drawing a clear conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, and the introduction and conclusion are well-presented, which helps to frame your arguments clearly.
task achievement
Your main points are supported with relevant examples, which helps to reinforce your arguments.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.