Some people say that what children watch on television influences their behaviour while others say the amount of time children spend watching television influences their behaviour. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some
people
present that TV
content
can impact children
's behaviour while
others maintain that it is not content
but the amount of time
children
spend watching television that matters. From my perspective, although
both sides sound reasonable, the latter one
is more close to the crux of the issue. However
, before setting forth my opinions, I hope to seriously discuss the first perspective first.
We have to confess that for children
, spending too much time
watching TV
is harmful both for their physical and mental health. On the one
hand, these children
's outdoor time
will definitely be occupied when they are addicted in
Change preposition
to
TV
programs
, which easily leads to obesity or high pressure. According to
a recent research financed by WHO, approximately 35% of American young people
are troubled with obesity, and one
of the primary causes is the excessive use of screens. Regards mental health, spending too much time
on TV
also
results in some issues. To illustrate, in so far as my observation, of my relatives' children
, those who indulge in TV
programs
are more inclined to isolate themselves from group activities, which seems to imply that indulging in TV
programs
may make people
excessively introverted. In a word, spending too much time
watching TV
indeed jeopardizes children
's mental and physical health to a certain degree.
Nonetheless
, inappropriate TV
content
may be more harmful. When I refer to the word "inappropriate", it is unavoidable to incur the suspicion of censorship, which is usually regarded as a violation of others' freedom. However
, this
opinion itself is also
a vivid manifestation of the issues of TV
content
. Too often TV
content
provides us with some ostensibly plausible slogans to allow us enough time
to contemplate their validity of
Change preposition
apply
them
. Correct pronoun usage
apply
For example
, some TV
programs
have always been advocating the importance of respecting children
's freedom in the favour of those rebellious children
, while
they seldom refer to the consequent duties and risks. When innocent children
are continuously inculcated with these irresponsible doctrines, they will be selfish egoists without any sense of responsibility.
To summarize, a child who spends too much time
watching TV
may become common or not robust as lack of exercise, but this
does not prevent them from possessing those
Correct determiner usage
apply
such
characteristics as bravery, patience and kindness that necessary
for an upright person. Add a missing verb
are necessary
However
, the empty rhetoric on TV
programs
does jeopardize one
's integrity and inhibit the development of a sense of duty. Therefore
, though both sides are reasonable, I still agree more with the people
who pay attention to content
as at least for me, the cultivation of moralities is the most crucial.Submitted by hx88375757 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
You responded to the task effectively, addressing both perspectives and providing your opinion clearly. To improve further, ensure all points are covered in more depth and balanced. For instance, you can provide more specific examples or data to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is coherent and well-structured, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, try to use a variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs and ideas. This will ensure your essay reads more naturally and smoothly.
task achievement
You provided a thorough and complete response to the task, covering both perspectives effectively and drawing a clear conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, and the introduction and conclusion are well-presented, which helps to frame your arguments clearly.
task achievement
Your main points are supported with relevant examples, which helps to reinforce your arguments.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.