IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

It is best to save money, for example in a bank or savings scheme. How far do you agree or disagree?

#money #bank #savings #scheme
Saving
money
 in
Correct article usage
a
show examples
saving program
such
 as in
bank
Correct article usage
a bank
show examples
 is a better method. I personally agree with
this
 statement for some reasons that I will explain why in
this
 essay. Perhaps, one major reason for
this
 is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the dangers of reckless spending,
for example
 on frivolous or unnecessary items, which is often encouraged by advertising. Young people
in particular
 are vulnerable to being influenced like
this
.
Furthermore
, without a reserve of funds for emergencies, unemployment or illness, people are putting themselves at risk of hardship or even bankruptcy.
This
 is especially true in the current economic situation.
Lastly
, saving
money
 is
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
 to accumulate wealth during one’s lifetime, so that one’s children can inherit
money
 or property which will increase their security and standard of living. I do appreciate the opposing view, which is that spending
money
 is one way to relax and enjoy life,
for instance
 by shopping or taking holidays, and there is certainly some truth in
this
.
However
, I believe that investment is the best
options
Fix the agreement mistake
option
show examples
 for having control of
money
 in our life. In summary, it seems to me that saving
money
 in the bank is a good
methods
Change the noun form
method
show examples
 to regulate our
money
 because of the positive impacts that saving programs can bring
such
 as a security fund for the improvement of living standards including an emergency fund for future generations
Submitted by k a l l a on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your main points. Your current introduction states that you agree with the statement but doesn’t give a preview of the reasons you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence variety and complexity to make your writing more engaging. Use a mix of short and long sentences, and try to incorporate different sentence structures.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas and provide more specific examples. For instance, when you mention the dangers of reckless spending, you could provide a real-life example or statistic to make your point stronger.
coherence cohesion
Review your conclusion to ensure it succinctly summarizes the essay and restates your main points clearly. Your conclusion does a good job of summarizing but could be more concise.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your argument.
task achievement
You acknowledge the opposing view and provide a counterargument, which adds depth to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: