IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that a year off between school and university could be advantageous for school leavers, while others disagree for many reasons. Discuss both sides of this debate. What is your own view on this?

The issue of gap
year
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 has triggered a heated debate.
While
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 It is said that taking a
year
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 off between
school
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 and
university
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 is detrimental for
school
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 graduates, others support
this
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 activity for a variety of reasons. There are arguments on both sides, which I will discuss here. On the one side, opponents of taking a gap
year
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 argue that young
students
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 are very likely to encounter several difficulties when delaying their
university
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study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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. One of these problems is the delay in academic progress caused by spending one
year
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 off
school
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. It is understandably almost impossible for young people to enjoy their experiences in doing a job or travelling to a new place but still arrange a certain amount of time for revision.
As a result
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, gap-
year
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 takers may have to face the challenge of becoming familiar with the knowledge at
school
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 again, receiving more pressure
of catching
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to catch
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 up with their peers.
Besides
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life
out
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outside
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 of
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university
Correct article usage
the university
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 campus may prove to be mentally and physically overwhelming for inexperienced
school
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 leavers. They,
for instance
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, may be at risk of being exploited in an exhausting job or face potential dangers on their trips to a new country. If not well prepared for
such
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 possible obstacles, young high
school
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 graduates can suffer from unintended consequences. On the other side, proponents of
this
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 view say that a gap
year
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 is an ideal opportunity for
students
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 to learn about what is not taught at
university
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. Working with other people who are experts in a particular field can give these newcomers not only
understanding
Correct article usage
an understanding
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 of the job but
also
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 valuable practical lessons to help them become more mature. When it comes to applying for a position in a company, employers tend to
favorably
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favourably
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 consider applicants who possess extensive experience in life and the occupation.
Furthermore
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, in terms of recreation, having a
year
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 to relax can be advantageous as
students
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 can have a chance to relieve stress in study. With a comfortable and willing attitude, undergraduates can acquire knowledge more effectively in comparison with those who go to
university
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straightaway
Correct your spelling
straight away
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.
Overall
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, it seems to me that working or
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 before
students
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 start their education in
university
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 is worth implementing because of the positive impacts
such
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 as valuable practice and relaxation for
students
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 who get stressed in studying.
This
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 is provided that
students
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 keep their interest in studying to ensure better academic performance in
university
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.

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, you can refine the clarity of your ideas. Some sentences could be made simpler and more direct. For example, the sentence 'It is understandably almost impossible for young people to enjoy their experiences in doing a job or travelling to a new place but still arrange a certain amount of time for revision' can be simplified for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in tone and avoid repetition of phrases to maintain a smooth flow throughout the essay. For instance, try to use a variety of expressions instead of repeating 'gap year' multiple times.
task achievement
You've presented a balanced discussion by addressing both sides of the argument. Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and ties together the main points discussed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a clear and logical structure, with well-defined paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. The transitions between paragraphs are smooth, making it easy to follow your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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