Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests comma and whether they are married or single. some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

While
some people believe that self-information
such
as personal interests and marital status, which are being asked in job applications are considered significant, others claim that
such
details
should not be required for employers. In my opinion, sharing personal
details
gives an
overall
perspective of the applicant's personality which is vital for job prospects. In
this
essay, I will discuss both views and try to reach a conclusion. On the one hand, private data is mandatory in terms of
work- life
Correct your spelling
work-life
show examples
balance. Knowing whether a
candidate
is married or single can
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
management an idea about their possible work-life balance.
For example
, single
applicant
Fix the agreement mistake
applicants
show examples
might be more flexible with working hours,
while
married
candidate
Fix the agreement mistake
candidates
show examples
might prefer more structured schedules.
Moreover
, sharing personal data hit the ground running to meet its relevance to team dynamics. Personal information
such
as hobbies and interests can contribute to understanding whether a
candidate
fit
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fits
show examples
well within the team or organisational culture.
For instance
, someone who enjoys team sports might work well in collaborative environments.
On the other hand
, asking for personal information is a privacy
concerns
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concern
show examples
. Applicant might feel uncomfortable sharing personal
details
that they consider irrelevant to their personal abilities, leading to issues with privacy and personal boundaries.
Furthermore
, asking for personal interests can lead to conscious or unconscious bias during the hiring process.
For example
, an employer might favour single candidates over married ones, assuming that they can commit more time to the job.
Hence
, personal information may divert attention from more significant professional attributes.
To conclude
,
although
sharing personal
details
proves to be fruitful by providing
overll
Correct your spelling
overall
views of the
candidate
's personality, professional characteristics should not
be detract
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detract
show examples
. As of now, I think it should be followed religiously.
Submitted by krnveerrsingh on

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Content
Your essay provides a balanced discussion on both views and states your opinion clearly, which is excellent for task achievement. However, ensure that your points are always directly relevant to the topic and strengthen them with more specific examples or evidence.
Grammar & Punctuation
There were minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrases in some sentences. It would help to review these sections and aim for smoother, more accurate expression.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use transitional words and phrases more frequently to improve the logical flow and connectivity of your sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Content
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and your opinion, which is a strong start and contributes well to task achievement.
Structure
The essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs for each point of discussion. Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main arguments and restates your opinion.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • team dynamics
  • organizational culture
  • work-life balance
  • collaborative environments
  • bias
  • discrimination
  • conscious or unconscious bias
  • privacy concerns
  • personal boundaries
  • professional abilities
  • skills, qualifications, and experience
  • legal and ethical considerations
  • divert attention
  • significant professional attributes
  • relevant to the job
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