Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests comma and whether they are married or single. some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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While

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some people believe that self-information

such

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as personal interests and marital status, which are being asked in job applications are considered significant, others claim that

such

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details

Use synonyms

should not be required for employers. In my opinion, sharing personal

details

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gives an

overall

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perspective of the applicant's personality which is vital for job prospects. In

this

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essay, I will discuss both views and try to reach a conclusion. On the one hand, private data is mandatory in terms of

work- life

Correct your spelling

work-life

show examples

balance. Knowing whether a

candidate

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is married or single can

gives

Change the verb form

give

show examples

management an idea about their possible work-life balance.

For example

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, single

applicant

Fix the agreement mistake

applicants

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might be more flexible with working hours,

while

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married

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candidate

Fix the agreement mistake

candidates

show examples

might prefer more structured schedules.

Moreover

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, sharing personal data hit the ground running to meet its relevance to team dynamics. Personal information

such

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as hobbies and interests can contribute to understanding whether a

candidate

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fit

Change the verb form

fits

show examples

well within the team or organisational culture.

For instance

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, someone who enjoys team sports might work well in collaborative environments.

On the other hand

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, asking for personal information is a privacy

concerns

Change the noun form

concern

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. Applicant might feel uncomfortable sharing personal

details

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that they consider irrelevant to their personal abilities, leading to issues with privacy and personal boundaries.

Furthermore

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, asking for personal interests can lead to conscious or unconscious bias during the hiring process.

For example

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, an employer might favour single candidates over married ones, assuming that they can commit more time to the job.

Hence

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, personal information may divert attention from more significant professional attributes.

To conclude

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although

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sharing personal

details

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proves to be fruitful by providing

overll

Correct your spelling

overall

views of the

candidate

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's personality, professional characteristics should not

be detract

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detract

show examples

. As of now, I think it should be followed religiously.

krnveerrsinghWed Jun 12 2024

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Content

Your essay provides a balanced discussion on both views and states your opinion clearly, which is excellent for task achievement. However, ensure that your points are always directly relevant to the topic and strengthen them with more specific examples or evidence.

Grammar & Punctuation

There were minor grammatical mistakes and awkward phrases in some sentences. It would help to review these sections and aim for smoother, more accurate expression.

Coherence & Cohesion

Use transitional words and phrases more frequently to improve the logical flow and connectivity of your sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Content

The introduction clearly outlines the topic and your opinion, which is a strong start and contributes well to task achievement.

Structure

The essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs for each point of discussion. Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main arguments and restates your opinion.

12
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

286 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

team dynamics
organizational culture
work-life balance
collaborative environments
bias
discrimination
conscious or unconscious bias
privacy concerns
personal boundaries
professional abilities
skills, qualifications, and experience
legal and ethical considerations
divert attention
significant professional attributes
relevant to the job

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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests comma and whether they are married or single. some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view?

Many teenagers have their own smartphones. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

some people believe the government should spend money building train and subway lines to reduce traffic congestion. Others however think that building more and wider roads is a better way to reduce the traffic congestion. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

More and more people in the city live in homes with small spaces or no outdoor areas. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?