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Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given bar chart indicates the rate of males and females who lived in Australia in various age
groups
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 and took part in regular physical activity in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the ratio of men who participated in regular physical activity in Australia is smaller than women. Looking at the chart more closely, one can see that the number of Australian men in the adolescent and young adults
group
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 who were from 15 to 24 and did these activities was the biggest, which was 52,8 per cent. And 47,7 per cent was the rate of Australian women in
this
Linking Words
 age
group
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, in the adults
group
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 the percentage of males decreased dramatically
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
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 increased steadily, which made up 42,5; 39,5; and 43,1.
However
Linking Words
, the percentage of females went up fast and was higher than that of males, which represented 48,9; 52,5; and 53,3 percent in
groups
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 from 25 to 34, 35 to 44 and 45 to 54 respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the older
group
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, the proportion of men who did physical activity continued to rise slightly, 45,1 and 46,7 and were ratios from 55 to 64 and over 64
groups
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 in females fell down remarkably and reached 53 and 47,1 per cent in the same
groups
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words groups, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Australian men
  • Australian women
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participated
  • Increased
  • Decreased
  • Proportion
  • Physically active
  • Gender difference
  • Engaged
  • Exercise
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