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Band 4.5

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult such as Sahara desert or antarctica . What are the benefits and disadvantages of people visiting there .

#tourists #places #conditions #sahara #desert #antarctica #people
As far as tourists visiting
places
 that have some hard situations nowadays, some
problems
 and advantages have arisen. I will argue about both sides in
this
 essay. Visiting unusual
places
 by tourists is the cause of formation of some
problems
 that are damage to the environment with some wrong activities like firing or leaving garbage after finishing their camping. another one it removes these
places
 from being pristine and creates some
problems
 for the natives of the region like annoy that makes their living out of order and their relaxation.
Finally
, and the most important one is disruption to animals of that region.
On the other hand
, there are some good facilities in
this
 matter that could be helpful for some groups of people around. First being in these
places
 helps the human mind relax.
Secondly
, the creations of
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
 areas help to create new jobs like renting houses or rooms for spending time around these
places
 which causes earning money for natives of these regions.
Finally
, facing the difficulties that exist in these
places
 helps a person to appreciate city life and be a stronger person in the face of life`s
problems
. In conclusion, the
problems
 and benefits are a lot and sometimes can be helpful or create some
problems
, but if we try to be careful can solve them easily and enjoy
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
places
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Introduction
Your introduction sets the context but could be more engaging. Try using a hook to draw the reader's attention and clearly state what aspects you will cover.
Task Achievement
Your main points are relevant, but you could provide more specific examples or data to support your arguments, especially in the paragraph about environmental damage.
Grammar and Vocabulary
Grammar and vocabulary are generally good, but there are a few inaccuracies that need to be corrected. For instance, 'annoy' should be 'annoyance,' and 'earning' should be 'earnings.'
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a logical structure and clear transitions between paragraphs, but you could make your conclusion stronger by summarizing key points more effectively.
Task Achievement
You managed to cover both advantages and disadvantages, which demonstrates a balanced view of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical flow, making it easy to follow your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ecotourism
  • sustainable travel
  • indigenous
  • remote
  • ecosystem
  • preservation
  • exploitation
  • consumerism
  • authentic experience
  • footprint
  • habitats
  • infrastructure
  • biodiversity
  • carbon offset
  • endangered species
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