IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

The compares shows percentage of water used in different places in Sydney. Australia in 1997 and 2007.

#percentage #water #places #sydney #australia
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The compares
compares
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of
water
Use synonyms
 used in different places in Sydney. Australia in 1997 and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
 there are 5 different sectors of used
water
Use synonyms
,
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
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percentage
Use synonyms
 food
industry
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 building
industry
Use synonyms
 in 1997 and 2007 . In AUSTRALIA
mostly
Rephrase
the water
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 used of
water
Use synonyms
 for
Food
Correct article usage
the Food
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industry
Use synonyms
48
Add a missing verb
was 48
show examples
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 in 1997 it slowly
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 to 41
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2007 .
Building
Correct article usage
The building
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industry
Use synonyms
lowest
Add a missing verb
was lowest
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in each year
5
Change preposition
at 5
show examples
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 in 1997 and
fallen
Wrong verb form
fell
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 to 2
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 in 2007. In 1997
Household
Fix the agreement mistake
Households
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 used 19
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of
water
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 exactly
therefore
Linking Words
 it slowly
growths
Replace the word
grew
show examples
 to 21
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 that's a little bit similar. Another type it's
a
Correct article usage
the
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 Service
industry
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
dramaticly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
jump
Wrong verb form
jumped
show examples
 12% in 10 years. Manufacturing information
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 15
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 in 1997 it
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 to 11
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 in 2007. The
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
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take
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
 from Australian news
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states the topic and what the essay will discuss. You might start by rephrasing the initial sentence for accuracy and clarity. For example: 'The chart compares the percentage of water usage in different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007.'
coherence cohesion
Verify and correct any grammatical errors or typos throughout your essay. For example, 'The compares compares,' 'dramaticly' should be 'dramatically,' and 'growths' should be 'grows.' Accurate grammar will improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraph structure should be more distinct. Separate your main points into clear paragraphs addressing each sector of water usage. For example, one paragraph could focus on the food industry, one on household usage, one on the service industry, and so on.
coherence cohesion
Provide a brief conclusion to summarize the main findings. A conclusion helps the essay feel complete and reinforces the points made earlier.
task achievement
Use more specific data accurately to support your points. Instead of saying 'dramaticly jump,' state the specific figures, e.g., 'The service industry saw an increase from X% in 1997 to Y% in 2007.' This enhances clarity and provides concrete evidence.
task achievement
Your essay identifies key points by comparing water usage percentages across different sectors and years. This is a good approach to task response and main ideas.
task achievement
You mention key trends, like the decrease in the food industry and the increase in the service industry, which shows your understanding of the data provided.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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