The compares shows percentage of water used in different places in Sydney. Australia in 1997 and 2007.
The compares
compares
Remove the redundancy
apply
percentage
of Add an article
the percentage
water
used in different places in Sydney. Australia in 1997 and 2007.
Overall
there are 5 different sectors of used water
, highest
Correct article usage
the highest
percentage
food industry
also
lowest
building Correct article usage
the lowest
industry
in 1997 and 2007 .
In AUSTRALIA mostly
used of Rephrase
the water
water
for Food
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the Food
industry
48
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was 48
percentage
in 1997 it slowly Replace the word
per cent
decrease
to 41 Wrong verb form
decreased
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
to
2007 . Change preposition
in
Building
Correct article usage
The building
industry
lowest
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was lowest
of
in each yearChange preposition
apply
5
Change preposition
at 5
percentage
in 1997 andReplace the word
per cent
fallen
to 2 Wrong verb form
fell
percentage
in 2007. In 1997 Replace the word
per cent
Household
used 19 Fix the agreement mistake
Households
percentage
of Replace the word
per cent
water
exactly therefore
it slowly growths
to 21 Replace the word
grew
percentage
that's a little bit similar. Another type it's Replace the word
per cent
a
Service Correct article usage
the
industry
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
dramaticly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
jump
12% in 10 years. Manufacturing information Wrong verb form
jumped
is
15 Wrong verb form
was
percentage
in 1997 it Replace the word
per cent
decrease
to 11 Wrong verb form
decreased
percentage
in 2007.
The Replace the word
per cent
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
take
from Australian newsWrong verb form
taken
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states the topic and what the essay will discuss. You might start by rephrasing the initial sentence for accuracy and clarity. For example: 'The chart compares the percentage of water usage in different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007.'
coherence cohesion
Verify and correct any grammatical errors or typos throughout your essay. For example, 'The compares compares,' 'dramaticly' should be 'dramatically,' and 'growths' should be 'grows.' Accurate grammar will improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraph structure should be more distinct. Separate your main points into clear paragraphs addressing each sector of water usage. For example, one paragraph could focus on the food industry, one on household usage, one on the service industry, and so on.
coherence cohesion
Provide a brief conclusion to summarize the main findings. A conclusion helps the essay feel complete and reinforces the points made earlier.
task achievement
Use more specific data accurately to support your points. Instead of saying 'dramaticly jump,' state the specific figures, e.g., 'The service industry saw an increase from X% in 1997 to Y% in 2007.' This enhances clarity and provides concrete evidence.
task achievement
Your essay identifies key points by comparing water usage percentages across different sectors and years. This is a good approach to task response and main ideas.
task achievement
You mention key trends, like the decrease in the food industry and the increase in the service industry, which shows your understanding of the data provided.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.