IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Children do not respect their parents as much as they did in the past. This behaviour is now having a negative impact on society.’ Discuss. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Nowadays
children
Use synonyms
haven't
Verb problem
aren't
show examples
concern
Change the verb form
concerned
show examples
 about their
parents
Use synonyms
 and they are refusing to follow the
dignity
Replace the word
dignified
show examples
 lifestyle as the ancient.
These
Correct determiner usage
This
show examples
 type of attitude will ruin the
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 the society in future.
Body paragraph 1
Initially
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 one of the beautiful
creation
Fix the agreement mistake
creations
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
god
also
Linking Words
 their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 like
a clay
Remove the article
clay
a lump of clay
show examples
 during their kinder age.
Due to
Linking Words
 technology development
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 attitudes
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 changed and they are not
compliance
Replace the word
compliant
show examples
 with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 at present times.
Additionally
Linking Words
, most of
students
Add an article
the students
show examples
 who are staying in the
urbans
Correct your spelling
urban
 areas,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
don't want to spend time with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 during their leisure period. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
are thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 will raise
bar
Add an article
the bar
show examples
 for their freedom,
thus
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 will try to keep
distance
Correct pronoun usage
their distance
show examples
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their
parents
Use synonyms
. To
illustate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
,
my
Change preposition
in my
show examples
 country most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
are demanding
Wrong verb form
demand
show examples
separate
Correct article usage
a separate
show examples
bedroom
Fix the agreement mistake
bedrooms
show examples
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
 even
the
Change the word
their
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 the relationship chain between
parents
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
 will be broken.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some
parents
Use synonyms
 are giving
much
Rephrase
too much
show examples
 freedom to the
children
Use synonyms
 these activities will indulge the
children
Use synonyms
 in
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
wrong behaviour.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 sometimes behave
stricktly
Correct your spelling
strictly
 to their
children
Use synonyms
,
otherwise
Linking Words
 the
children
Use synonyms
 don't have courtesy on their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, they will not become a good person in the future.
Conclusion
Eventually,
children
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 a gift from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
god and they have to respect their
parents
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 all
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
. Whilst,
parents
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 should guide them in a proper manner. Before, most of the
children
Use synonyms
 were given respect to
the
Change the word
their
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 but
present
Change preposition
at present
show examples
 time these
attitides
Correct your spelling
attitudes
 are going down and
this
Linking Words
 is not good for the country
as well as
Linking Words
 society.

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
For a higher score in task response, ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Be sure to develop your ideas more completely, offering specific, relevant examples to support your points more effectively.
language proficiency
Work on enhancing your vocabulary and grammar accuracy. While minor errors are acceptable, frequent mistakes can make your writing less clear.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains an introduction and a conclusion, which is essential for a well-structured response.
task achievement
Some of the main points you raised are relevant to the task and show an understanding of the issue presented.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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