IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#demand #electricity #england #winter #summer #english #home #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line chart provides information on the demand for
electricity
 in England during
winter
Correct article usage
the winter
show examples
 and summer seasons.
While
 the data is represented in the form of a circle provides information on how
electricity
 is
utlized
Correct your spelling
utilized
utilised
 in an average English home.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 during
winter
Correct article usage
the winter
show examples
 season the demand for
electricity
 significantly
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 throughout different hours of the day, and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of
electricity
 is used by heating devices. The line chart
represent
Change the verb form
represents
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
how often householders
utlize
Correct your spelling
utilise
electricity
 in two different periods. During winter, individuals consume large
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
amounts
 of energy reaching its peak at 500000 units of
electricity
.
While
, during summer, individuals consume large
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
amounts
 of energy reaching nearly 200000 units of
electricity
 during the
afternone
Correct your spelling
afternoon
 and after 21 at night. The pie chart
represent
Change the verb form
represents
show examples
 the different
divices
Correct your spelling
devices
 that
utlize
Correct your spelling
utilise
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of energy in an average English home.
Large
Add an article
A large
show examples
 proportion is dedicated
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 heating, making up 52% of the total. Ovens,Kettles,
Washing
Correct word choice
and Washing
show examples
 machines
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the second largest, contributing 18%. Other notable
segmantations
Correct your spelling
segmentations
segmentation
including
Replace the word
include
show examples
Lighting, TV, Radio (15%), Vacuum cleaners,
Food
Correct word choice
and Food
show examples
 Mixers (9%).
Submitted by marammajid1999 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "provides" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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