Some people say that completing University education is the best way to get a job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills are important Discuss both sides and give your opinion

There are common
belief
Fix the agreement mistake
beliefs
show examples
such
as graduating
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
University
is the most
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
way to get a
job
,
while
other people think that being
domain
Correct article usage
a domain
show examples
expert and
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
soft skills is more important. In the following
Correct your spelling
essay
essey
Add a comma
essey,
show examples
I will discuss each idea . I personally think that in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
fast-peaced
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
world developing new skills and
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
expirience
Correct your spelling
experience
is more important than getting a degree
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
University
. On the one hand, it is
more
Add an article
a more
the more
show examples
safe way
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
show examples
a
job
by graduating
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
University
. When a person
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
University
he or she
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
not need
worry
Fix the infinitive
to worry
show examples
about how to claim
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
knowledge about their working field since their diploma will show their worth to the
job
. In fact, many big and
well established
Add a hyphen
well-established
show examples
companies choose their employees from graduates of authoritative Universities and Colleges and it gives
Correct pronoun usage
them huje
show examples
huje
Correct your spelling
huge
advantage for
workers
Change noun form
workers'
worker's
show examples
future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
For instance
, in my
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
people have to get a
University
degree
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
get a
job
in any field.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
we can witness that most people
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
obstacles for advancing their career because of not having a diploma.
On the other hand
, in the modern world
Add a comma
,
show examples
being
domain
Correct article usage
a domain
show examples
expert might be
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
.
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Although the essay has a clear introduction, it needs a stronger conclusion that summarizes the main points discussed.
logical structure
Improve the logical flow by using more cohesive devices such as 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', and 'In contrast' to link your ideas more effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
Expand your arguments and provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make the essay more convincing and provide clearer ideas.
complete response
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and develops it fully before moving on to the next. This will provide a more comprehensive response to the task.
task response
The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
relevant specific examples
There are some relevant examples and explanations, especially regarding the advantages of having a university degree.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured learning
  • theoretical knowledge
  • academic credentials
  • networking opportunities
  • real-world application
  • problem-solving
  • teamwork
  • communication skills
  • adaptability
  • internships
  • apprenticeships
  • professional development
  • entrepreneurship
  • long-term career success
  • industries
  • fields
  • balance
  • foundation
  • cultivation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: