You live in a small town of 10,000 people. A large green area in the centre of town is undeveloped. The city has sent out an opinion survey to see what residents would like to have built-in that area. City Development Survey: Option A: Shopping Complex: This shopping mall would include restaurants, a large supermarket, and a movie theatre. Option B: Recreational Park: This park would include a sports complex, a large green area, and a small petting zoo.
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In my opinion, the city should utilize the available green land for building a recreational plaza. There are two primary reasons for choosing a recreational place over a shopping complex:
need
Correct article usage
the need
of
outdoor activities and Change preposition
for
less
finances required.
Fix the agreement mistake
the lack of
Firstly
, as a long-term resident of this
city, I have personally witnessed the infrastructural development of the surrounding area and I believe our locality already has two big existing shopping complexes which not only include several dining options but also
a movie theatre and supermarket. Whereas
Correct word choice
On
on the other hand
, you hardly be able to see a sports complex for outdoor activities. In my view, a recreational place would bring a positive change in the local community, encouraging our offspring to engage in sports, and avoiding the screens. Additionally
, a large green area can be utilized by the elderly for walking and for some relaxation exercises, moreover
, a zoo will add an interesting option for a picnic where not only endangered animals can find shelter but also
growing children can have exposure to nature.
Secondly
, a recreational park
would require less finances as compared to a shopping complex. A recreational park
will not only bring positive change to the local community, but also
add up
to the income of the city from memberships to the sports complex and, tickets from the Change preposition
apply
park
, and zoo.
Finally
, considering all the discussed points I prefer a recreational park
over a shopping mall. Thank you for the opportunity to contribute my feedback.Submitted by hassan05.quadri on
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task achievement
Your essay generally addresses the prompt well, but it would benefit from providing more detailed explanations for each of your points. For example, give specific scenarios or data to support your points, such as statistics on how recreational parks benefit communities or the cost differences between a park and a shopping complex.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, try linking your sentences and paragraphs more smoothly. Use transitional phrases like 'Moreover', 'In addition', and 'Furthermore'. Also, ensure that each paragraph flows logically from the previous one and that each main point is sufficiently developed.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a conclusion, it is quite brief. Summarize your main points again in a slightly different way and restate why a recreational park is the better option overall.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your choice and reasons for it, setting a clear direction for the essay.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant and well-chosen, focusing on community needs and financial considerations.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.