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Writing Samples
Band 5

he line graph shows the number of players in four different sports (badminton, tennis, basketball, rugby) in a particular European country between 1985 and 2005.

he line graph shows the number of players in four different sports (badminton, tennis, basketball, rugby) in a particular European country between 1985 and 2005.
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The line graph illustrates the number of
players
Use synonyms
 that had taken
part
Use synonyms
 in 4 kinds of sports in a particular region between 1985 to 2005. In 1985, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 that had played in
rugby
Use synonyms
 games reached its highest point with 250 contestants competing each year.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 playing
tennis
Use synonyms
 was at its lowest point, with only 150
players
Use synonyms
 listed. Moving on, in 1995, the amount of
rugby
Use synonyms
 competitors experienced a slight decrease to only 200
players
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the total
Use synonyms
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 taking
part
Use synonyms
 in
tennis
Use synonyms
 matches went through a slight uprise of 200 folks taking
part
Use synonyms
. Both sports had
colided
Correct your spelling
collided
 with each other and had the same number of
players
Use synonyms
 playing in both leagues during 1995.
Next,
Linking Words
throughout the 1995 to 2005 period, the list of
rugby
Use synonyms
players
Use synonyms
 underwent a massive downhill
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and reached its lowest point with only 50
players
Use synonyms
 left in 2005.
Whereas
Linking Words
tennis
Use synonyms
 went through a steady increase yearly and reached
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 peak with around 225
cometitors
Correct your spelling
competitors
 that had joined in 2005.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the sum of
people
Use synonyms
 that had competed in badminton and basketball experienced a steady development with more or less 50
players
Use synonyms
 taking
part
Use synonyms
 in badminton yearly, and 75 to 80
players
Use synonyms
 playing in basketball games every year.
To sum up
Linking Words
, in 1985, most
people
Use synonyms
 tended to play
rugby
Use synonyms
 as one of their most popular sports. But as time went on,
people
Use synonyms
 tended to like
tennis
Use synonyms
 more, as its popularity increased and became the most popular sport in 2005
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Submitted by kelly on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words players, part, people, rugby, tennis with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • number of players
  • line graph
  • sports categories
  • fluctuations
  • trends
  • upward trend
  • downward trend
  • peaks
  • plateaus
  • popularity
  • time period
  • significant changes
  • comparative analysis
  • demographic
  • sports culture
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