he line graph shows the number of players in four different sports (badminton, tennis, basketball, rugby) in a particular European country between 1985 and 2005.

he line graph shows the number of players in four different sports (badminton, tennis, basketball, rugby) in a particular European country between 1985 and 2005.
The line graph illustrates the number of
players
that had taken
part
in 4 kinds of sports in a particular region between 1985 to 2005. In 1985, the majority of
people
that had played in
rugby
games reached its highest point with 250 contestants competing each year.
In contrast
, the number of
people
playing
tennis
was at its lowest point, with only 150
players
listed. Moving on, in 1995, the amount of
rugby
competitors experienced a slight decrease to only 200
players
.
On the other hand
, the total
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
taking
part
in
tennis
matches went through a slight uprise of 200 folks taking
part
. Both sports had
colided
Correct your spelling
collided
with each other and had the same number of
players
playing in both leagues during 1995.
Next,
throughout the 1995 to 2005 period, the list of
rugby
players
underwent a massive downhill
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and reached its lowest point with only 50
players
left in 2005.
Whereas
tennis
went through a steady increase yearly and reached
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
peak with around 225
cometitors
Correct your spelling
competitors
that had joined in 2005.
Lastly
, the sum of
people
that had competed in badminton and basketball experienced a steady development with more or less 50
players
taking
part
in badminton yearly, and 75 to 80
players
playing in basketball games every year.
To sum up
, in 1985, most
people
tended to play
rugby
as one of their most popular sports. But as time went on,
people
tended to like
tennis
more, as its popularity increased and became the most popular sport in 2005
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Submitted by kelly on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words players, part, people, rugby, tennis with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: