Directors and managers of organisations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In some old
corporation
, most of their leader are the Fix the agreement mistake
corporations
one
who Correct pronoun usage
ones
above
50 years old. Add a missing verb
are above
While
,
in some Remove the comma
apply
Fix the agreement mistake
startups
startup
Add a comma
startup,
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
choosed
the younger Correct your spelling
chose
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
instead
of the older people
. I totally agree with
that Change preposition
apply
the
today's Correct article usage
apply
generation
is
should be the Unnecessary verb
apply
one
to Correct pronoun usage
ones
leads
the business. Wrong verb form
lead
This
essay will discuss a couple of reason
why Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
this
youth generation
is more affective
for a firm.
Correct your spelling
effective
Initially
, most of company
like BUMN, or Add an article
the company
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
firm
Fix the agreement mistake
firms
are choosing
the Wrong verb form
chose
elderies
as their Correct your spelling
elderly
stake holder
, it is not Correct your spelling
stakeholder
wrong
movement because the Correct article usage
a wrong
elderies
are having a lot more Correct your spelling
elderly
experiences
than the younger Fix the agreement mistake
experience
one
. But in some cases, to be Correct pronoun usage
ones
choosen
as a manager or director is just a gift of proven loyalty to the company. The thing is not only do they lack Correct your spelling
chosen
of
energy and innovation Remove the preposition
apply
as
a today's Change preposition
apply
generation
that have
a bunch of fresh Wrong verb form
has
idea
.
Change to a plural noun
ideas
on the other hand
, the younger one
are still fresh for Correct pronoun usage
ones
having
a bunch of good Wrong verb form
have
idea
to improve the firm. Change to a plural noun
ideas
For instance
that
the new Correct word choice
apply
director
in some e-commerce are still in Fix the agreement mistake
directors
the
late 20's years old, but a lot of Change the word
their
thing
are still Change to a plural noun
things
relate
to Wrong verb form
related
him
, and fresh Correct pronoun usage
them
idea
to create Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
a
marketing are absolutely Remove the article
apply
impactfull
.
Correct your spelling
impactful
To conclude
, even though that the
older Correct article usage
apply
people
are likely to have more experiences
than Fix the agreement mistake
experience
people
who are in the
late Change the word
their
20's
or early Correct your spelling
20s
30's
, I believe that giving a chance to young Correct your spelling
30s
people
to explore and manage the company is a positive movement, that is
why I personally agree with the statement. Further
, this
young generation
is also
someone who will lead the industry for
the future, Change preposition
in
and
why not Correct word choice
so
we are
give them a try Verb problem
apply
since
the beginning,Change preposition
from
Submitted by ed.janurrsptn on
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task achievement
Your essay offers a clear stance on the topic, but it needs stronger and more detailed support to effectively convey your points. Incorporating additional relevant examples and elaborating on your arguments will enhance the strength of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay needs to follow a more logical and coherent structure. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and transitions smoothly to the next point, which will aid in improving the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay closer attention to grammatical accuracy and proper sentence structure. Avoid run-on sentences and ensure that each sentence is clear and concise, as this will make your writing more effective and easier to understand.
task achievement
You have taken a clear stance on the topic, which makes your argument easy to identify.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide an outline of your viewpoint.
task achievement
Your ideas on the advantages of younger leaders, such as their energy and innovation, are relevant and pertinent to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.