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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You and a friend have both been accepted to a study abroad program in Paris, France. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: •Congratulate him/her for also being accepted •Ask him/her if he/she would like to be your roommate •Discuss possible activities that the two of you could do together

#friend #study #program #paris #france #•congratulate #•ask #roommate #•discuss #activities #two
Dear Aman, I hope
this
 letter finds you in
a
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apply
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great health and best of spirits. I am writing
this
 letter to congratulate you to get admission in an international program in
paris
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Paris
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,France. I want to ask you one thing ,if you don't mind as we both got admission
in
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to
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Add an article
the
a
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same study program in the same country . would you like to
be share
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share
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an
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apply
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accommodation with me
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 Because
,
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apply
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weare
Correct your spelling
we are
not only know each other
from
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for
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 a very long time but we
also
 have same likes or dislikes .
Hence
 , we will not face difficulties in living with each other . Moving
further
 , we both can
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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study together .
Moreover
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Moreover,
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 we can help each other in
studies
Correct pronoun usage
our studies
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 . Apart from that , we can share our work
such
 as making meals ,
doing
Correct word choice
and doing
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 groceries .
In addition
 to it ,
according to
 our
convenience
Add a comma
convenience,
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 we can
also
 join
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
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 activities
for instance
 -dance class , gym and soon. I will wait for your reply and we will
caughtup
Correct your spelling
catch up
 soon for our abroad trip . Warm wishes , Harjeet
Submitted by sainisonia422 on

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grammar
Try to proofread your work for grammatical errors and correct punctuation use. For example, 'caughtup' should be 'catch up', and 'and soon' should be replaced with 'and so on'.
structure
Organize your ideas more clearly into separate paragraphs: one for congratulating, one for the accommodation proposal, and one for possible activities.
task completion
You covered all the points in the task prompt very well, addressing each one specifically.
writing tone
The tone of the letter is friendly and appropriate for writing to a friend.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • congratulations
  • ecstatic
  • roommate
  • accommodation
  • expenses
  • cultural activities
  • museums
  • landmarks
  • French cuisine
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