IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think the main reason for success is hard work and determination. While other people think factors like money and personal appearance are also important. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#people #reason #success #work #determination #factors #money #appearance
First of all, it is undeniable that some
people
 believe the main reason for success is hard work
also
 determination
however
, other
people
 think factors like
money
also
 personal appearance are
also
 important and one of most is challenging issues in the field
overall
, it can be clearly seen that ,
this
 essay will sides both discuss and will draw
According to
 what noticed there are many of some
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 who think factors like
money
 and personal appearance are important so, many crowd need
money
 because live
as well as
 the
people
 and pay is important in life
in addition
 personal appearance is important and that gives a good idea about other
people
 and some nation look
that is
 a simple idea,
for example
,many
people
 have the
money
 has an easy life and that become life is not hard
also
On the other hand
, there is a common belief there are a lot of
people
 think the main reason for success is hard work
then
 any person wants the task reason for the work can
people
 think
then
 again the hard job want many years of study
furthermore
 a field of works are hard not changes in future will set for illustration the mangers and teachers and doctors In conclusion , after looking at both the points so , I would strongly endorse the most common solution ,
however
Add a comma
,
show examples
it can be concluded that they are reasonable and I think success is a hard job
also
 I believe should children become successfully
Submitted by s97580011 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer logical structure. Make sure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next, and consider using topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction needs to be more clearly defined. Explicitly state what the essay is going to discuss and outline the main points that will be covered.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your conclusion summarizes the main points discussed in the body paragraphs and reaffirms your own opinion.
task achievement
While you do address both sides of the argument, your ideas are sometimes unclear. Work on expressing your ideas more comprehensively and avoid ambiguous phrases.
task achievement
Your essay needs more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. Concrete examples can help illustrate your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
You’ve attempted to discuss both views on the topic, which shows a good understanding of the essay requirement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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