Some people believe that non-academic subjects at school should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
According to
some people, art and Linking Words
music
classes should be replaced by more utilitarian subjects like science and computer classes. Use synonyms
While
I understand the importance of equipping children with skills that are immediately applicable in their lives, I firmly believe that Linking Words
music
Use synonyms
education
holds significant value and should not be discarded.
Use synonyms
Initially
, Linking Words
music
Use synonyms
education
influences happiness, there is no denying that Use synonyms
music
( and dancing ) makes Use synonyms
feel
good and happy. Studies have shown that Correct pronoun usage
one feel
while
listening to Linking Words
music
the brain releases dopamine, and Use synonyms
this
hormone is responsible for feeling happiness, excitement and joy. Linking Words
It
Add the auxiliary verb
It has
also
been shown that it alleviates depression, Linking Words
moreover
, Linking Words
music
helps to Use synonyms
decreases
stress Change the verb
decrease
hormone
in the body, for Fix the agreement mistake
hormones
an
example, some surgeons play Correct article usage
apply
music
to reduce stress and anxiety, Use synonyms
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
it
helps doctors to focus, Correct pronoun usage
apply
therefore
the benefits Linking Words
is
highly Change the verb form
are
valueable
and have the same positive effects in any field.
Correct your spelling
valuable
Additionally
, Linking Words
music
Use synonyms
education
can forest in creative thinking skills, Use synonyms
researches
shows that children who receive musical training Fix the agreement mistake
Research
shows
a development in language area and solving mathematical problems, and the credit goes to making the brain used to reading Change the verb form
show
music
and understanding rhythms and recognising patterns. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, creating Linking Words
music
and rhythms is based on personal effort, unlike science subjects Use synonyms
music
Use synonyms
education
does not follow rules or constants, it Use synonyms
rely
most of the time on intellectual and free thinking and creative ideas, those benefits suggest Change the verb form
relies
music
Use synonyms
education
supports Use synonyms
enhances
learning in other academic areas.
In conclusion, there's no doubt that Wrong verb form
enhanced
music
Use synonyms
education
enriches student's academic and emotional skills, Use synonyms
the
time and money Correct word choice
and the
is
well spent, Correct subject-verb agreement
are
therefore
, Linking Words
school
should strive to maintain Fix the agreement mistake
schools
the
balanced Correct article usage
a
education
, to ensure that students receive a comprehensive Use synonyms
education
.Use synonyms
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on
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grammar
Ensure all sentences are grammatically correct and avoid run-on sentences. For example, 'It also been shown that it alleviates depression' should be 'It has also been shown that it alleviates depression'. Pay attention to verb tenses.
detail
Include some more specific examples to further illustrate how music education benefits students academically and emotionally. This will make your arguments even stronger and more convincing.
coherence
Work on refining your transitions between ideas to make the essay flow more smoothly. For instance, 'Additionally' and 'Furthermore' can be replaced with more varied transitional phrases.
content
Your essay covers the topic comprehensively and presents clear, relevant arguments for the importance of music education.
structure
You have a strong introduction and conclusion that frames your essay well, summarizing your points effectively.
evidence
The points about the benefits of music education on emotional well-being and cognitive development are well made and supported with relevant information.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.