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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university or collage lecturer.

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university or collage lecturer.
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The two different images provide information about eight different professional groups. The bar chart illustrates the working
hours
 in the eight different professional fields.
Whereas
, the pie graph describes the
stress
 level within these occupations.
Overall
, the bar chart shows that businessmen have more working
hours
 than others.
Whereas
, lecturers are doing the least work.
However
, in pie graph indicates
stress
 levels and in
this
 lectures are at a high level of
stress
 and programmers are less distressed. The bar chart shows that out of eight
Change to a plural noun
professions
show examples
profession
Add a comma
profession,
show examples
 a greater number of
hours
 are allocated to businessmen about 70
hours
 per
week
 they serve.
In contrast
, lectures spend less time approximately about 25
hours
 per
week
. Other shows have little variations but among all other movie makers are at second higher rant of spending more
hours
 per
week
 about 60
hours
 per
week
 and
then
 lies doctors about 50
hours
 per
week
, and writers about 45
hours
 respectively. The pie graph shows that about 25% of lectures are going through high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of
stress
 and taking tension as compared to
this
 writers take much less tension about 5% only.
Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, stress, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 8 times.
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