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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university or collage lecturer.

The graphs show figures relating to hours worked and stress levels amongst professionals in eight groups. Describe the information shown to a university or collage lecturer.
#graphs #show #figures #hours #stress #levels #professionals #eight #groups #information #university #collage #lecturer
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The two different images provide information about eight different professional groups. The bar chart illustrates the working
hours
Use synonyms
 in the eight different professional fields.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the pie graph describes the
stress
Use synonyms
 level within these occupations.
Overall
Linking Words
, the bar chart shows that businessmen have more working
hours
Use synonyms
 than others.
Whereas
Linking Words
, lecturers are doing the least work.
However
Linking Words
, in pie graph indicates
stress
Use synonyms
 levels and in
this
Linking Words
 lectures are at a high level of
stress
Use synonyms
 and programmers are less distressed. The bar chart shows that out of eight
Change to a plural noun
professions
show examples
profession
Add a comma
profession,
show examples
 a greater number of
hours
Use synonyms
 are allocated to businessmen about 70
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 they serve.
In contrast
Linking Words
, lectures spend less time approximately about 25
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
. Other shows have little variations but among all other movie makers are at second higher rant of spending more
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 about 60
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 lies doctors about 50
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
, and writers about 45
hours
Use synonyms
 respectively. The pie graph shows that about 25% of lectures are going through high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of
stress
Use synonyms
 and taking tension as compared to
this
Linking Words
 writers take much less tension about 5% only.
Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, stress, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 8 times.
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