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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people feel that governments should take a large proportion of people's salaries to pay for necessary public services such as roads and schools. Others feel that high taxes are a bad thing. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #proportion #salaries #services #roads #schools #taxes
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The debate over
governments
Correct word choice
whether governments
show examples
 should take a significant portion of
people'
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 salaries to fund essential public
services
such
 as roads and schools is in progress.
While
 some argue that high
taxes
 are necessary, others claim that they can be harmful to
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 and personal freedom. In my opinion,
while
 too much taxation can lead to negative consequences, a well-structured tax system can lead to a healthier society.
Firstly
, effective public
services
, including well-kept roads, are vital for a good society. When governments give sufficient funds through
taxes
, they can invest in these areas.
For instance
, countries with higher tax rates,
such
 as Norway or Denmark, often boast superior public
services
.
This
 investment not only improves the quality of life for people but
also
 promotes economic stability, as efficient transportation
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
 to general productivity.
Secondly
,
reason
Correct article usage
the reason
show examples
 supporting the view of higher taxation is social equality. By
taxes
, governments can provide essential
services
 to those who may not be able to afford them. High-quality education and healthcare are rights that should be accessible to every person, regardless of their financial situation.
For example
, public education systems funded by
taxes
 allow children with different financial situations to receive the same opportunities for success.
This
 benefits everyone and
also
 makes a society strong by promoting
a more educated generations
Correct the article-noun agreement
a more educated generation
more educated generations
show examples
. In conclusion, though the necessity of funding public
services
 through
taxes
 is clear, it is difficult not to confuse normal funding and excessive taxation. A balanced approach is very important to confirm that public
services
 are well-supported
while
 maintaining financial freedom and economic growth.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
Expand on the discussion of the negative consequences of high taxation to provide a more balanced view.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully develop your ideas with more specific examples or references.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a cohesive structure.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the reference to Norway and Denmark, effectively support the argument.
coherence cohesion
The balanced approach advocated in the conclusion is thoughtful and well-articulated.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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