With the development of social media, more and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the Internet. What potential problems may this trend lead to? What solutions can you suggest to deal with it?

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Social Media is a dangerous place for
kids
.There are so many
discusting
Correct your spelling
disgusting
things on the internet, which childs
mussnt
Correct your spelling
must
access. These things can
broke
Change the verb form
break
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the
childs
Change to a genitive case
child's
show examples
mental health. When these
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
grow up, Some problems could happen.
i
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I
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suggest
to
Change preposition
that
show examples
kids
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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use the apps with safety or
kids
mode. With these
modes
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modes,
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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cannot reach
to
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apply
show examples
adult
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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. but the parents must be careful
about
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apply
show examples
because these modes are actually not trustable. so parents have to check up
what
Change preposition
on what
show examples
their
kids
watching.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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task achievement
You need to present a complete response by addressing all parts of the prompt comprehensively. You've touched on the problems but not in great depth or specificity.
task achievement
Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, mention particular risks such as cyberbullying, exposure to inappropriate content, or online predators.
coherence cohesion
Develop a clearer logical structure. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that these ideas flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion in your essay. The introduction should present the topic and outline the main points you will discuss. The conclusion should summarize these points and reiterate the importance of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Expand your main points with supporting ideas. For example, explain how specific features of social media can be harmful and suggest detailed steps parents can take to mitigate these issues.
content
Your essay addresses an important and current issue that is very relevant to many readers.
task achievement
You have suggested practical solutions like using safety or kids modes on apps, which shows a proactive approach to dealing with the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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